Thursday, October 19, 2006

Picks to live by

Phew. Starting these picks a little late because my fantasy NBA draft was a bit intense and ran overtime. I'm sure all of you understand. When does any fantasy NBA draft go according to plan. Am I right? If you'd like to know how my team turned out, just ask. But let me just say it started out with a little Finals MVP and ended with a little 1st rounder nicknamed "The Landlord". Man, he's one ugly Klingon.

I'm the Landlord. Enter at your own risk.

On that note, let's make like a little kid with a cold and get pickin. My picks in bold. ENJOY!

Pitt (-6 1/2) vs. Rutgers

Let me just say that the play Endy Chavez made in the 6th inning is probably the best play I've ever seen in a game 7. Maybe ever in the postseason. Maybe ever. If you haven't seen it, get to your nearest ESPN. Endy was a bit of an underdog going into this year much like Rutgers. It's a good time for underdogs this year.

Penn St (-18) vs. Illinois

Pop quiz hotshot. Which of the three "juices" will still be an every-day topic of discussion in the year 2073? If you said "C" you're correct. Why you ask? Because "Juice" Williams (picture "c" from above) led his team to cover the 18 point spread against Penn State on October 21, 2006. That's why.

Mich (-13 1/2) vs. Iowa

You know that redneck comedian who is in those Dodge truck commercials and screams "THAT THANG GOT A HENNE"? Well, I've seen him at the Punchline in Atlanta and he's really not all that funny and Chad Henne really isn't all that good so I never understood why he would always scream his name in those ads. Say what? How's that? Oh...he doesn't say "Henne"? He says "Hemme"? Hmmm...well that ruins my logic. Screw it. Go Hawkeyes. They can fly.

Miami (-17 1/2) at Duke

Can anyone really give an honest prediction of this game? What's the record for most backups to start in a game? That brawl last week was coco loco. I haven't seen a fight like that since I was sleeping the other night and dreamed I took that stupid UGA cop and beat him with my gold plated fists made of toaster ovens. And as he cried and begged for mercy I just chuckled and screamed "You are a fork tongued, Stamos-loving, donut eater!!!" Either way, I have to go with Duke here. Are there two other schools with better reputations right now? Somethings gotta give in this one...keep your eye on this game.

UGA (-18) vs. Miss St

OK, we lose this game and you'll never see another picture like this one. Don't we kind of look like the characters in Anchorman? Tim is smooth Papa Burgundy, I'm Champ laughing a little too hard at his joke looking like I miss his musk and am about to say "We should get an apartment together", Hart is Brian Fantana all slick with his sunglasses on top of his perfectly curved hat and probably just added another spritz of Sex Panther, Josh is Brick Tamland since he's clearly laughing at something that has nothing to do with the situation, and Dave is Veronica Corningstone since he/she's lustfully staring into her lover's eyes. Sorry Dave...and GO DAWGS!!!

Tenn (-11) vs. Bama

We need Bama to win this game if we're serious about winning the East. Oh, we're not serious? Good, because Tennessee is going to kick the Oreo Balls out of Alabama.

Fla St (-7 1/2) vs. BC

I told Lindsey that she could watch "Grey's Anatomy" while I work on these picks so I wouldn't pay attention to the TV. Yeah, like that worked. It's 11:13 in the PM and I'm still going strong (the NLCS is going to the Top of the 9th and is already an instant classic). Anywho, in this episode a couple is stuck together by the dude's pee pee ring. I've seen probably 1/3 of the all the episodes of this show and here's what I've seen so far. This dic*-ring incident, an episode where two people had a metal pole going through both of them and they were both calm as a cuc, an episode where a woman had uncontrollable orgasms, an episode (last week I think) where a boy had a tree trunk going through his body, and one where a dude had sex with his 50 year old patient in a bathroom at a bar. So here's my question. Does this show have 2 different teams of writers? Team 1 writes episodes involving ridiculous sex stories and Team 2 writes episodes involving some sort of impalement? Boston College only loses by 4...take the points.

Tex Tech (-2 1/2) at Iowa St.

Holy mastacholi. Yadier Molina just took Heilman deep. 3-1 Cards. My Mets in 7 prediction is looking shaky. Back to the pick...Texas Tech is like "Rock" in Scissors, Paper, Rock. Great team to gamble on. Sure they'll trip up and lose to a Colorado every now and then (hell, Rock loses to Paper once in a Blue Molina) but they're normally going to win. Just like rock. Good 'ol rock.

There you have it. I'm shutting down and watching the bottom of the 9th.


Pasqua said...

How did I forget the best impalement episode of Grey's Anatomy where the dude had an un-exploded bomb lodged in his chest? Of course, it stayed there impaling the dude for a long time and wound up exploding killing a bunch of folks. Probably Writing Team 2's best work to date.

Stanicek said...

That show is a crock of mud.

Josh said...

I love lamp!

And I can't believe you think Georgia is going to cover.