Thursday, September 28, 2006
South Carolina (+14) vs. #3 Auburn: Remember that uncle or godfather that never bought you anything for your birthday even though you always thought he would. But every once in awhile he would come through and completely surprise you with a brand new Go-Bot completely out of the blue? That's how South Carolina is.
Simpler times. Simpler...knocking off Transformers times.
#18 Tennessee (-13) at Memphis: Come on. People. Memphis? They lost to Ole Miss (though there is no shame in that what with DEX-TAH MEH-CLUH-STAH on the Rebs side). I imagine most Memphis fans will be monitoring police scanners to find out which of Calipari's new recruits got locked up in lieu of watching this stinkah.
#10 LSU (-32) vs. Miss St.: The only way this game will be interesting is if midway through the 2nd quarter with the score 81-3 LSU, Sylvester Croom forfeits the game on the condition that he and Les Miles reinact their favorite scenes from the 1980s TV classic "Night Court".
#5 Florida (-13 1/2) vs. Alabama: I really want Bama to roll in this one. But something tells me that Florida wants payback from last year. I guarantee a big victory for the Gators and for Bama to mutiny, descend into utter chaos resulting in Kenneth Darby ritually sacrificing that placekicker who missed the XP last week, roasting him over open flame and forcing unwilling teammates to feast on said flesh...or for them to pile on the bus dejected and for Darby to ask everyone if its OK to watch "Must Love Dogs" on the ride home because it "moves him".
Mmmm....I call Tiffin's drumstick...wait do kickers have drumsticks?
Kentucky (-7 1/2) vs. Central Michigan: Consider me smitten. Smitten with the kittens. I love this Wildcat team. What is it about them? The pathetic air of futility that hangs over them like a cloud wherever they go? The forlorn faces of Wildcat fans everytime they show Rich Brooks on TV and it hits them like a sack of boiled yams that Rich Brooks is our F-ing coach? I have no idea...but I think it may have something to do with that freaky "spell Cats" cheer they do...it puts you in a place somewhere between heaven and a seizure.
Temple (+34) at Vandy: I believe it is written in the Bible...or was it "Good Night Moon"...regardless, a wiser man than me once said "Getting 34 points against a Jay Cutler-less Vandy is like stealing a Go-Bot from a baby". And yes, that was the second Go-Bot reference today.
I will refrain from picking UGA this week as I will be at the game and would like to maintain my journalistic neutrality.
Random Assortment from around the Nation:
Georgia Tech (+9 1/2) vs. Virginia Tech - Quite frankly I don't really hate Tech all that much. So sue me. You're getting almost 10 points and VA Tech lost two big starters to suspension.
#1 Ohio State (-6 1/2) at Iowa: Wasn't it Gandhi who said "watching the Big Ten play football is like kissing your sister"? Man, he was as smart as a xylophone. And incidentally, if Gameday doesn't stop pandering to the inferior ABC Game of the Week by visiting every stinking place Ohio State and USC play, I swear to Gandhi that I will force Mark May to watch David Greene and David Pollack highlights "Clockwork Orange" style until he cries "Pumpkin".
Boise State (+4 1/2) at Utah: Though we thrashed Boise like sad, wet dogs last year...these are exactly the kind of games that Jared "Oxygen...need...oxygen" Zabransky comes out and throws for 200 and runs for 200.
South Florida (+4) vs. Rutgers: The party ends for the Scarlett Knights.
LOCK OF THE WEEK:
Virginia (-5 1/2) at Duke: Alright, I know that UVA is down but DUKE?! 5 $*~ points? The UVA defense is like a pack of rabid weasels and will be all over Duke like butter on nails. Take this one all the way home to Wins-ington.
There they are. 10 picks for you to enjoy, caress and love. Could you tell I lost steam somewhere toward the end? Well deal with it because this was like writing a fricking novel.
Indianapolis -9 at NY Jets
Indy. For the sheer fact that these guys are so fun to gamble on. They're the Texas Tech of the NFL but a whole lot better. There's a reason why Indy is like 11-5 against the spread every year and I won't bet against Indy's offense vs. NYJ defense. It's like betting on Boner to get the chick over Mike Seaver.
San Diego -2.5 at Baltimore
Baltimore. San Diego is 2-0 but have beat Oakland and Tennessee. Phillip Rivers, meet an NFL defense. This is the game where he gets brought down a notch. Kind of like when Henry Rowengartner faces his first big leage team in "Rookie of the Year". Actually, not kinda like it...EXACTLY like it. Take the money line. Trust your boy.
Minnesota +1.5 at Buffalo
Buffalo. Nominee for "Most Boring Game of the weekend" and whenever that's the case, take the home team who's favored by less than a field goal. Plus, it's fun to scream "Run J.P. Losman, run!". Whenever you root for J.P. you have to say his full name. Same goes for John Parker of Bama.
Dallas -9 at Tennessee
Tennessee. Somehow, I don't think a "Win one for the T.O." speech will hold water before the game. Too many distractions for a mediocre team to overcome on the road. 9 points is an eternity in the NFL. Wait...ok, yup, it's an eternity. Plus, never bet on Bledsoe. I don't care what the stats say, he's one of the worst QBs in NFL history.
San Francisco +7 at Kansas City
San Fran. Is anyone else praying that Damon Huard gets injured so Brodie Croyle has to play? If that happens, Kansas City probably goes from 7 point favorites to 7 point underdogs. Plus, I'm really not a fan of Larry Johnson. He's the...Larry Johnson of the NFL. Wow I'm struggling.
New Orleans +7.5 at Carolina
Carolina. They got the win they needed and are ready to turn the corner. New Orleans has to be emotionally spent after last Monday. New Orleans this week is similar to the time I saw A-Ha the night after they played a sold out Madison Square Garden. Friggin horrible, and they did a jazz version of "Take on Me". You're just not going to give the same performance. Holy crap, these guys are still together.
Arizona +7 at Atlanta
Atlanta. For the exact opposite reasons of New Orleans. This is their "A-Ha at the Garden" moment...and they know it. I took nothing away from their loss in New Orleans. '85 Bears would've shriveled just the same. T-Minus 2,887 minutes before we see Kurt Warner hobble off the field and the Matt Lienart Era in Arizona begins. Arizona is the Cubs of the NFL. Lofty expectations, hopes riding on the arm of a QB who will most certainly get injured. Horrible coaching. Sexy pick every year. Wouldn't it be fun if the Falcons took the field with "Cry Wolf" blaring in the background?
Miami +3.5 at Houston
Houston. This game is a toss up at best and I'll alway take the points in that case. Plus, the Astros are playing so well right now and I just saw this guy for the Texans. Stanicek and I LOVE anyone named Dexter Mc"something" so I have to root for Houston.
Detroit +5.5 at St. Louis Rams
Detroit. Remember the scene in "Adventures in Babysitting" where the mob dudes are reviewing everything they needed to ship off to their "Cleveland" people while the kids are up in the rafters trying to make it to the jagged window and the dude from Detroit takes a sip of his coffee right after dirt fell in it? That was gross. Detroit's due.
New England +5.5 at Cincinnatti
Cincy. Remember how I said that "Win one for T.O." speech won't motivate? Well, I can ASSURE you that a "Win one for Odell" moment will have that locker room jumping up and down. Actually, I hope Pollack does say something to that group of thugs before the game.
Jacksonville -3 at Washington
Jacksonville. This team's the truth and this pick will get Stanicek's goat...and whenever you can get a goat, you get it.
Cleveland Browns -3 at Oakland
Cleveland. My laugh out loud moment came last week when the Sports Guy picked "Bye -10.5 at Oakland". I saw this Oakland team play so I can attest to how bad they are. And you know what they say in Reno..."when your starting QB is Charlie Frye and you're favored by 3 points, you're set like Karch Kiraly and Kent Steffes."
Seattle +3 at Chicago
Seattle. Being a Bears fan, this one smarts but Seattle looked GOOOOD against New York last weekend. Remains to be seen if the Bears can be considered one of the elite teams in the NFC. Much like Shamoo's first appearance in front of a live audience at Sea World, this will be the Bear's big test. Litmus time.
Green Bay +11 at Philadelphia
Green Bay. Too many points for this one and after John Madden has his traditional phone sex with Favre before the game, he'll be "jazzed" up for MNF. Plus, I just saw this.
That's it for this week. Tune in next Thursday. Your gambling fate depends on it.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
So Richt finally admitted that he has no clue what's going on with the recievers, or ball droppers as I like to call them (you see what I did there? I changed the name from "reciever" to "ball dropper". It's sarcasm, and I like it). Does it worry me? Not really. All of these guys, MoMass excluded, are not game breakers so they had to come to UGA for a reason (it's not their blazing speed or John Hart-like open field moves)...and that reason had to be for their hands. I know that reason applies to Kris Durham. They'll shake it off and I think we'll start watching the recieving corp make like fruits and veggies and PRODUCE!
Stay tuned tomorrow for Pasqua and Stanicek's football picks (college and NFL games).
That's all for now. Peace and love (Chris Porter, eat your heart out).
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
*did any of you read that description of my day and picture a 1950s black and white cop movie?*
This is a recruit we're going after at UGA. His name is Major Wright. Someone needs to tell him that his hair is Major Wrong. ZA ZA ZA ZING!!! "Hey Major, ever seen one of these before?"
In other news, it was announced that Kregg Lumpkin is going to start at RB for Georgia this weekend. Daddy like. Daddy really like. He's been the most consistent running back for UGA this season and I think he's going to make like the North in 1864 and put "a hurtin on them Rebels". I predict Kregg is the starter for the rest of the year and finally puts his knee injury behind him. Let's not forget that Kregg was Matthew Stafford-like when signed and was the starter at the end of his freshman year. Kid's got the goodsy goods.
White Sox are officially eliminated. Sad. I'm sure an extra month of off-season is really breaking their hearts. Year 1 of the 10 year grace period is over for Sox fans. Well, I guess I need to pick a team for the rest of the year...........and I choose...................The D-Rays. These fiesty bastards are going to make a run. What's that? They've already been eliminated? How bout the Pirates? Them too? My reputation as a baseball aficianado precedes me. Go Oilers.
p.s. I say we call Tuesday's "Dry Hump Day"
In other news...the trip to Ole Miss-UGA game closes in...just two and half days until it's showtime. I can't decide if I am more pumped about losing our vast wealth in a matter of seconds in Tunica or seeing my new favorite non-UGA player on Saturday....Dexter McCluster.
Hi! I can't wait to meet Kelin Johnson.
Seriously, is there a more fun name to say in college football right now? You have to use your "Keith Jackson" voice to really enjoy it properly...go ahead....Dext-ah Meh-Cluh-Stah...great times. The only time I've heard someone have more fun saying a name was when Sean McDonough said "Cassen Jackson-Garrison" about 247 times during the UGA-Vandy game. Seriously, I kept a running tally during the game. He would bring his name into anything during that game..."Coutu lines up for the field goal, and it is good. On a sad note, General Snuggums, Vanderbilt's beloved live ferret mascot died earlier today, flowers and cards can be sent to CASSEN JACKSON-GARRISON!"
Someone help me. Sean McDonough is right outside my car and I can't get out, he's like Cujo.
Finally, thought I'd mention that we watched "Heroes" last night on NBC. Did anyone else watch this thing? If so can you tell me 1) what the Holy H was going on and 2) did you make it the entire hour or did you pass out from boredom only to awake at 3:30am with a splitting headache and the nagging suspicion that you had just wasted several hours of your life that you will never get back.
Monday, September 25, 2006
After Stanicek enveloped the subject that is UGA football, I'll try and steer my blog in a different direction. How about a little pop culture, eh? Ehhhh? I should warn you though, that after Saturday's game I found myself visualizing Cox to Milner (this will become the name of a porn someday...I'm convinced) no matter what I was watching so the details might be a little fuzzy bear.
Let's start with 'Survivor'. I haven't watched since the second season but I became interested in the little plot twist. The thing I don't understand is why they have tribe names this season (I think the tribe names are Haku, Trio, Massoquai, and Apple Sauce). I really think it would be funny to hear Probst yell "Hispanic Tribe takes the lead but Tribe Black isn't far behind" as they complete a ropes course to try and win tarps (not to mention that quote summarizes the minority statistics in the U.S. right now. 2 birds, 1 stone). Needless to say I'm sucked in this season and can't wait to see how it progresses. Plus, I don't think I've ever been a bigger fan of a reality TV personality as I am of Cao Boy (pronounced Cowboy). I will be shocked if he doesn't get a spinoff show after 'Survivor'.
Furthermore, the tribal council this past week saw one of the most shocking comments I've ever seen on TV. Please, if you haven't watched, tune in here. The dude who made this comment is on Letterman tonight and, needless to say, I'm Tivo'ing the H out of it. I cannot wait for Billy to announce that he and Ray Liotta (who's the lead guest on the show tonight) brushed up aginst eachother backstage and decided to move in together to start a family. Love at first sight should also be known as "Colorado's Bootlegs"...you can't control it and they strike at the most inopportune moments. Wait...huh? Nah, screw it, "Colorado's Bootlegs" it is.
I also saw "First Kiss" in the theatre. My review? A solid "meh". The bottle of wine we snuck into the theatre probably helped. The biggest shocker of the movie was when I finally realized that the lead actress is Jacinda from "Real World: London". Probably my favorite season of all the "Real Worlds" and I had a major crush on her when the show was being aired. Why they cast an unknown actress from Australia to play an American broad is beyond me, but it was good to see Jacinda again. I wish they would've cast Lars or Mike or that dude who wrote his one-man play and performed it on the show. The movie was decent and had a killer soundtrack. Stanicek informed me that all the songs were hand picked by Zach Braff. Whoopdeedoo. So a guy has a good taste in music...that still doesn't explain why I caught Stanicek with a full drawer of Zach Braff underoos. Lose the mancrush dude.
Pasqua bye bye
1) Whew. That was a close one. The feeling we were all experiencing from our seats in Section 311 during the third quarter and early in the fourth at Sanford Stadium can best be described as "handle end of an axe into the stomach-ular region" verging on "Phillips head screwdriver boring into eardrum" (I just read a Home Depot ad, so bear with me on the hardware references). Could our season be over before we even had a chance to blow it in Florida? It just didn't seem right...but the tell-tale signs were there:
- John searching for anything to ease the pain, "At least it's not an SEC team. Look at this way, we're still in the hunt for the SEC Championship".
- Carrie resigning herself to a loss and a 100% chance of tears later in the day.
- Michael refusing to stand and hold four fingers up at the start of the fourth in unison to the strains of "Krypton Fanfare" because "it's just stupid"
- And I, your humble blog host, trying to formulate my arguments to defend Richt back at our tailgate in the face of mud-slinging Richt-haters Nick and Craft.
But then, something GLORIOUS happened. A savior with an incredibly lampoonable last name took over at QB and marched us down the field on two drives that will live forever in the hearts and minds of Georgia fans (forever=Thursday night, just before we all leave for Ole Miss). And we escape from our own stadium with a win against a still winless team.
I will say that I feel Stafford is taking way too much blame for how the team played. Receivers dropped balls, the play calling was atrocious, etc. However, I think pulling Stafford and inserting Cox (told you it was lampoonable) was the right thing to do, if for nothing else than for the emotional lift and shake up of the offense.
So what does it all mean? It means we got a win and we just won't ever think about this game again. It also means the post-game tailgate was full of laughter and merriment instead of groans and fistfights. It also meant Scott could do this and it garnered the laughter it deserved...
Hartman loses bet - ingests Ralphie
2) Thanks to Dave and Johnathan for linking us on their blogs....though I fear that Pasqua may have something to say about not getting his proper "shout-outs" from Johnathan (incidentally, I love the term "shout-outs", can I still use it even though it stopped being cool around the same time Wham! broke up? And also incidentally....right when I wrote that last line I broke the ' button on my keyboard...is this some sort of curse thrown down upon me by Andrew Ridgely from beyond the grave? Wait, is he dead?). As he said in a emotion-drenched email to me "What am I, chopped blogger?" Johnathan...rectify this immediately or consider myself "on strike" from the podcasts which means no witty remarks about things that have nothing to do with football, no more worthless insight by me about games I couldn't care less about (read: Big Ten, Pac Ten), and....no more college football encyclopedia.
3) Finally...preparations begin for the long trip to Tunica Friday and Oxford, MS on Saturday. If anyone out there has any suggestions regarding the trip (restaurants, sights, etc) please let me know.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Cause we're bloggin'! I can't even begin to tell you how illiterate Pasqua and are when it comes to these internets. But dangit, we're gonna try....
I have spent the last 23 sleepless hours attempting to figure out how to work this blog and at some point between 4am and a rage-induced blackout, I figured out how to do this. Is it the best choice for my first link as a blogger? Probably not. Does it add anything useful or fulfilling to life in general? Maybe. Is it appropriate? No. Wait...what are we talking about again?
The point is that Pasqua and I are off and running with this blog. We invite you to come here for our take on movies, music, sports, life, love, and soup. It should be fun and maybe one day I'll even figure out how to post a picture....as obviously my first attempt failed.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
This is me. I'm a transplant to Atlanta (who isn't that lives here). Please excuse the picture. I don't have too many "saved" so I'm posting whats I gots.
The beer shown is Old Style which I highly recommend. It's brewed in Milwaukee but is considered "Chicago's beer". A more classic case of irony there isn't.
I don't know how to say this is a link to my favorite site and when you clicked on those words it takes you to espn.com or whatever. Hewp pwease (that's my baby talk. Get used to it).
I look forward to sharing my thoughts on movies, shows, sports, and maybe a brief political spat, and the latest and greatest in the world of grapes. This blog will most likely be extremely laid back not a lot to be taken seriously unless you take it seriously.
Pasqua bye bye