Friday, November 17, 2006

The Tale of Sir Pick'ems....

Loyal readers – Wifeicek return from Auburn, AL and bring ye joyful tidings....and lo the Corner of Toomer’s doth not rolled, the young Staffords and Lumpkins ran until the day drew long, the evil Tuberville was forced back into his evil hole where he feasts on rodents and ritualistically sacrifices small children to Dumbus the God of Large Ears, and the one that the PlainsmenTigerEagles call Cox sleeps in fits still suffering from horrific dreams in which Gant and Johnson rip, gnaw, and gash at his jersey and his lollipop passes land only in the arms of the glorious Battle.

Behold Dumbus! Notice how he points to his abnormally large ear that can not even be concealed by the helmet. Hide the children.

It truly was a special day for Wifeicek and I....much like our last trip to Auburn in 2002. In fact I am thinking about moving into that stadium permanently as it has been the site of two of the happiest days of my life. I’m thinking about a nice little condo on the 35 where I can see future generations of Bulldogs intercept future generations of mediocre Auburn QBs and dive futuristically into the endzone only to be futuristically flagged by futuristic refs.

Last week ATS: 4-4-1

Overall ATS: 36-28-1

Cincy +6 ½ vs. Rutgers - Listen kids – I’m all about this Rutgers story it’s as fun as a barrel of rusty screwdrivers but this one just screams “let down”. Allow me to make one point though – if Rutgers pulls the unthinkable and goes undefeated, they deserve to be in the National Championship. College football can’t shower WVU and Louisville with gifts of scented soaps and lilacs when they were undefeated and then push Rutgers to the curb like so much volleyball. If Rutgers goes undefeated and doesn’t go to the Nat Champ then we have to revoke the Big East’s status as a BCS conference and make it a mid-major...anything else doesn’t make sense. Consider me off the soapbox.

Wake +2 vs. VT – As one Sasha LadyEagle can attest...Wake is fo’ real. And if Sasha actually reads this (heck even her erstwhile travel partner Jonathan Hart) blog I will do a traditional Irish jig during halftime of the Tech game.

Duke +26 ½ @ Ga Tech- Oh Duke – you’re so lovable. Just keep telling yourself that you don’t mind looking like complete and utter idiots in almost every athletic competition because you dominate in one sport. You Duke football guys are so a bushel full of soon-to-be slaughtered baby cows going off to the veal factory.

Listen to that crowd roar! Well...listen to Kyle, the Duke fan, roar!

Maryland +7 @ BC – You can’t hold back that Terrapin pride...nor can you hold back the destructive Tsunami (I can make Tsunami references again right? It’s been awhile) that IS the Terp offense....the Terp offense juggernaut smells blood and chances are they could score upward of 17 in this one.

Temple +31 ½ @ Navy – This falls under my “No one should ever be 30+ point underdogs to Navy” rule

Miami -3 @ UVA – What the H is up with this OJ interview? Fox television has effectively reached the all-time low in broadcasting history. Anyone who watches this needs to be punched in the gut and forced to work 35 hours of community service. I’m sure it won’t damage OJ’s kids fragile psyche whatsoever as they are forced to watch their father “hypothetically” tell the world how he “would” have killed their mother. American pop culture! What a feeling.

Oh Nordberg...can't we go back to the way things used to be?

Vandy +8 ½ vs. Tenn – call this the “please God, please Lord almighty make this happen for me” game. How great would it be to see Tennessee lose two in a row to Vandy and watch UT’s “comeback season” result in 4 or 5 losses? It would be as great as tipping over your box of Rainbow Nerds and getting that one GIGANTIC Nerd that dwarfs all the others and sends you into a sugar-induced coma.

Sweet globs of hardened sugar...your spell over me will be my undoing

Ole Miss +27 ½ @ LSU – Dextah MAH-Clus....oh know the drill. Ole Miss sucks but I gotst to give it to them one last time.

NC State -4 @ UNC – OH THE PAGEANTRY! No game quite matches the feel of the good ole fashioned backyard brawl between NC State and UNC. Almost as exciting as a 4th viewing of Colin Farrell and Christian Bale in “The New World”. Had to get my Christian Bale knock in... I’m telling you Christian...LIGHTEN UP! You’re a fricking actor! Crack a dang smile!

In a bizarre effort to reach out to ANYONE, UNC adopts a tackling method that can best be described as somewhere betweeen "Dancing With the Stars" and gay porn.

Get your National Football Federation Assocation League on over at Joshua's blogateria

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