Saturday, November 04, 2006

Jowlin' Picks

Eat your heart out Turner and Hooch. This is how I get down with the jowlin' getdown.

I'm under the strictest of deadlines to get these picks done. Wall Street folk, Air Traffic Controllers, Firefighters, and many more...NONE of them know pressure like this. How can you put the pressure of getting a column done for a blog that has dozens of readers into perspective? It's like I have to write and finish OR be forced to listen to that **R.E.M. "album" where they cover the most ridiculous songs over and over again. Lord help these little fingers fly on this keyboard.

**let the record show that I JUST saw Stanicek's R.E.M. post and made this reference without prior knowledge. With that being said, R.E.M. plays music like meat sauce garnishes.

No way I can repeat my record from last week. 6-1 against the spread. I, like Josh, chose a great year to stop gambling. Take that advice or not, I'm going to make like Miles Finch in "Elf" and give you some winners.

I approve these picks.

Georgia Tech (-6) at N.C. State
My only loss of last week. Damn you Georgia Tech. This pick is mostly made out of spite...however I did watch N.C. State demolish a horrendous FSU team in Raleigh earlier in the year. So there's that. I suggest that instead of slapping a picture of the movie "Nerds" on their way out to the field, N.C. State slaps actual nerds on their way out to the field.

According to our calculations...RUN!!!
Ohio State (-26 1/2) at Illinois
Ever since the Zooker let "Juice" take the helm, Illinois has been a tough team to beat. Sure they haven't won much, but they've been making like a throw rug and covering. Ohio State, like a lot of teams this week, is looking ahead to next weekend's showdown with Michigan and will make like my favorite ice cream and keep their play calling vanilla. And yes...that's my last "and make like" reference of this entry.

Florida (-16 1/2) at Vanderbilt
Florida's another team that might be looking ahead to next week's matchup with South Carolina that features Spurrier's return to Gainseville. Plus, I hate Florida. I REALLY hate them. A few years back GA Tech was #1 on my list of hated teams and the competition wasn't even close. Now, Florida holds that honor. I guess it's easy to explain...I hate teams that beat UGA and I don't hate teams that lose to UGA. Eat your heart out Einstein...that's one complicated hate formula.

Notre Dame (-27) vs. UNC
Last week I wrote about how Quinn looked like he could kill a wildabeast and you should take the points. Now? He's got the "don't kill that little bunny" look in his eye like Farley in Tommy Boy. Have I actually seen Quinn to prove this point? No.

**shi*. Just realized that we're not coming back to my crib after our trip to Starbucks. So...unfortunately, this article has to end here. You can see the rest of my picks below. The worst part? That I couldn't find a cute bunny picture to end that Notre Dame portion of the entry.

LSU (-3) at Tennessee

(-3 1/2) vs. Kansas State

(-7) at Kentucky

(-2) at South Carolina

Lock o Da Week (she hasn't let me down yet)

Texas Tech
(17 1/2) vs. Baylor
Always bet on rock. Good ol rock.

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