Saturday, November 18, 2006

Picks EARLY

You know what I LOVE!!! Whenever I have the opportunity to sleep in and simply can't. Through the week, I constantly have "I'll gladly pay $40 right now if I could just sleep for another 2 hours" thoughts running through my mind come 7:30am. I LONG for the weekend to sleeeeeeeep. And what happens on the Saturday morning where I could sleep until 4pm if I wanted? I wake up at 7:30am. Bright eyed. Wanting to kill myself.

I guess it was my blogging conscience that woke me up since I hadn't gotten these picks finished yet. But still bloggin conscience, I've gone through countless Saturday's this fall having to wake up at 6:30am to claim "the" spot on South Campus. You couldn't give me this Saturday? Well F you. I hope this blog entry stinks. No...I didn't mean that.

Thanks to Stanicek's picks, I have some decent games to pick this week. Thank you kind sir, I hope you enjoy your ribs today and have that pineapple juice you've been whining about.

Illinois (-2 1/2) at Northwestern
CHOO CHOO!!! Well, the train that is Illinois came off the track a little bit last week. It wobbled...if that's possible for a train to do. But all they have to do in this one is win by a field goal. Even a wobbly train could get that done.

easy...easy. It's just Northwestern.

Oklahoma State (+6) at Texas Tech
Let's remember that sand used to be a rock. The rock that is Texas Tech just had a strong gust of wind take a little smidge of it's surface and turned it into sand after last week's dissapointing non-cover. But the rock is still a rock. It's re-grouped and re-rocked. Texas Tech is, dare I say, ready to rock. Wow...my ability to "funny" has hit an all time low.

Texas Tech needs to throw the rock to win. Phew...I'm all punned out.

Michigan (+7) at Ohio State
Game of the millenium...but only for the planet Earth. I'm convinced that on some planet far away there's a huge rivalry game going on between the unbeaten Galactanoids and the unbeaten Nifebulums. Galactanoids storied coach, Roctarloch Craxwachlank, died yesterday too in a tragic phasetroid accident. This is shaping up to be a good one.

In all seriousness, I truly hope for a close game. Has there EVER been a better scripted scenario for a regular season game? Ever? I don't think it's possible. Too bad I'll be watching the Auburn/Bama game instead. F the Big Ten.

Auburn (-3) at Alabama
Auburn got blindsided by UGA. Bama lost to the better in Mississippi State. I truly believe that. There's a nice conspiracy going around that Auburn will throw this game just so Shula keeps his job at Bama...which would secure the next 4 years for Auburn. Interesting, but this isn't Da Vinci Code (which hits the shelves Tuesday), it's college football. Take Auburn in a close one...just like the Illumanati would've planned it.

Arkansas (-14) at Mississippi State
So I was at a Thanksgiving party last night (kind of weird concept, I admit, but a great time. I made a killer mac and cheese if you were wondering. You weren't? Well F-you. Thanks to the D'Amico's for hosting). The majority of those attending were Auburn fans and at one point I was playing XBox 360 against Jean (the host and huge AU fan). I picked up the controller and found myself knee deep in an NCAA football game between Auburn and Alabama. I'm kicking his as* and Kristin (Jean's fiance and converted AU, fan bless her heart) comes and says "Tov, what the hell are you doing as Alabama. Why aren't you Georgia?" to which I obviously reply in a laughing voice "Because that would be too easy". T'hank God that Jean didn't retort with some sort of "Vandy/Kentucky" response because that's already starting to get old. Later on in the evening I was discussing today's games and this one (Arkansas/MSU if you've already forgotten) came up. Jean actually talked about how Mississippi State has a chance to win and if they did and it's followed by an LSU victory over Arkansas, Auburn is representing the West. I found that intriguing because it's not the most ridiculous scenario I've heard. Now I'm nervous because I can feel this choke coming on by Arkansas...and I really don't want Auburn to go to the SEC Championship game. F Auburn.

Cal (+6) at USC
I'm sick of hearing how good Cal is considering the two times I've seen them play, they've dry heaved all over the field. F that team. USC is plaing for the big one and I see them smokin' these fools like Stanicek is going to smoke them ribs today. I wish I could have smoked ribs. Thanks for the invite dude...no really...thanks.

Michigan State (+18) at Penn State
Penn State has 4 losses. The 4 teams that they've lost to have lost a total of 2 GAMES!!! That's a rough schedule. Michigan is playing for Bo, Penn State is playing for Jo Pa's leg. Bigger motivation? Mmmm...too close to call.

WIN ONE FOR THE TIBIA!!!

South Florida (+17) at Louisville
Louisville probably wants to score 900 points in this game to prove that they're not a horrible offense. When was the last time the "#1 offense" was shut down like they were against Rutgers? It was like seeing a guy that always gets the girl use his "go to" line and striking out. Let's call this guy "Hohn Jart" for all intensive purpopses, remaining as vague as possible, and not ruining anyone's identity. That game against Rutgers went a little something like this:

Hohn Jart: Yo baby, have you ever eaten a PB and J after visiting the zoo?
Broad: That would normally work, but you're a bastard.
Hohn Jart (reverting to his last resort...speaking like an old Italian accent): Whadaya mean ma bella? I'm a gonna treat you like a thin-ah slice of proscuitto.
Broad: F you Hohn. Louisville sucks too.

**
sorry for all the F-Bombs. I guess I'm pissed off about not sleeping in. F me.**

1 comment:

adam said...

I saw Stafford at the California Pizza Kitchen at Atlantic Station last night.

He looks smaller than on TV. 6'-3", my ass.

He was with a tall, lanky white kid, probably Kris Durham. Or Screech.