Thursday, November 09, 2006

Pick'em, Rick'em and Stick'em Week 11 Edition

In what the NY Times, the Washington Post and Cat Fancy dubbed "Operation Bounceback" my selections rode a wave of positivity, success and hope that began right here on Pasqua and Stanicek on Friday afternoon with my weekly picks and ended yesterday with the news that the Good Guys had recaptured Congress from the ruthless hands of Count Chocula, George Allen, Gargamel, Santorum, Dr. Claw, and the eviiilll Nancy Johnson.

Yes it was a good week here at Team Stanicek...except for that Kentucky situation. The picks finished a solid 6-3 and things are only looking up....alas it is not all good news as friends of the blog Daniel Baldwin and K-Fed (aka JMac's doppleganger) suffered serious blows in the shadow of all the joy. So extend a hearty handshake to these two when you see them with their "Will Act/Rap/Milk Famous Brothers or Wife for the spotlight for Food" signs ablazin'.

So here they are and...as always...these picks should be relied on about as much as Christian Bale lightening up and playing something other than brooding in a movie role (and don't throw "American Psycho" at me...first off it was a horrendous movie and second, lightening up does not mean a character that buries an axe into someone's brain and then has a 15 minute on-screen three way with two prostitutes).

Last Week ATS: 6-3
Overall ATS: 32-24

Maryland -3 vs. Miami - Ralph Friedgen takes out his anger over a wife-imposed "green bean and Fresca" diet on the visiting Hurricanes. Coker watches in horror as freshman running back is knocked into sideline and the Fridge chomps a poodle-sized bite out of the young back's left calf.

YOU! Yep...I see you...bring me that furry ham....what? It's a cat. Whatever, I haven't eaten since 12 minutes ago.

Kentucky -2 vs. Vandy - They tore down one goalpost after our game? ONE!? Where is the commitment from the Cat faithful? When UGA stormed the field in 2000 not only did we take down BOTH goalposts but we 1) dismantled them 2) tore the hedges into mulch and 3) nearly stormed the field a full 70 seconds before the game was EVEN OVER! That's how you destroy your own stadium and make yourself look like an idiotic and starved-for-a-win fanbase!

Tennessee +5 1/2 @ Arkansas - Biggest game in eons for Arkansas and what do they do...start a QB controversy...way to go Nutt! Tennessee is going to win and then steam Darren McFadden, serve him over wild rice and feed him to the Monster Fulmer at the post-game buffet much to the delight of the braindead and borderline mentally handicapped Tennesse fans.
Alabama +18 @ LSU - The second part of my "Traditional SEC powers as big underdogs on the road" pack of picks. Alabama has looked about as appetizing as a moldy laundry bag full of ground beef and chocolate over the past few games but I bet there's some life in those kids yet. That was my fourth food/starved/bite reference in as many picks...can you tell I'm ready for lunch?

Florida -13 1/2 vs. South Cack - Mmm...lunch. I didn't bring my lunch today because I was sick of ham and cheese, baby carrot sticks, and Baked Lays which is what I eat everyday. Now the possibilities are ENDLESS...well actually I guess there is an end...whatever is available here in LOVELY downtown Athens. Had Gyro last night so that's out...could do Taco Stand which is always a fan favorite. NO CHANCE for Doc Chey's or that sad little Thai place. I wish downtown would get a GOOD Chinese restaurant...not China Express which I am positive has to be a front for Beijing mafia. I mean seriously NO ONE is ever in there and their location is the best in town, corner of College and Broad! Anyway - I'm no fan of Thai food and I refuse to pay $8 for Doc Chey's bowl of dishwater and spaghetti that they pass off as "fine noodles". Are you reading this Peking?! We need your presence downtown STAT!

Hey Thai food...until you can come strong with dishes like egg rolls, shrimp fried rice and roast pork egg foo yung and lose that nasty smelling soup you dish out you ain't gonna earn any respect.

NC State +17 @ Clemson - The annual "We Love, We Hate, We Love, We Hate" Tommy Bowden tour continues this week. Clemson pulls this one off but NC State covers which will cut "Burning Bowden effigies" on campus in half and will reduce bricks smeared in cow dung thrown through Bowden's office window to a baker's dozen.

Northwestern +23 vs. Ohio State - The Fightin' Wildcats keep within three TDs as Ohio State is looking ahead to "The Game the entire nation has been waiting to see but I could really care less about because I don't give a dolphin flip about the Big Ten but I will pretend to be really excited about because I guess that's my duty as a college football fan but secretly when no one is looking I will change the channel to whatever SEC or ACC game is on hopefully Aurburn-Alabama".

What are four things I could not care less about? 1) NBA 2) The Olympics 3) College Hockey 4) Big Ten Athletics.

Texas A&M +1 vs. Nebraska - The Aggies ride high after the announcemen their President will be taking over the not-coveted-in-any-way-whatsoever position of Secretary of Defense. On a not-so-related note...what is the deal with the three month hiatus for Lost? And I did NOT appreciate that promo at the end of the episode making it seem like its a big favor to me that they will come back with 16 episodes with no repeats..."NOT...EVEN...ONE!" Yeah, well guess what? That's what your supposed to f-ing do...you're an F-ING TV SHOW!!!!

What? You want ME to be the scapegoat for a horribly botched war for the last two years of a lameduck President? Where do I sign!

Notre Dame -11 1/2 @ Air Force - In what I'm sure will be the most-watched game of the day, for obvious reasons (those reasons of course being I have Notre Dame's QBs in Fantasy College Football and its the playoffs and I am facing a formidable foe in Josh Massey)...the Fightin' Irish smack down yet another Academy, are branded unpatriotic and become even more hated nationwide for reasons that will always escape me.

There you have it - don't forget to check out the NFL picks which I assume are forthcoming at Josh Massey's Oyster House, Brew Pub, and NFL Pickery.

4 comments:

Russell said...

Shame on you for this:

"and don't throw "American Psycho" at me...first off it was a horrendous movie"

How dare you, Sir! The key is watching, back to back, Newsies followed by American Psycho. Or, if you have two TVs put them side by side and watch both simultaneously -- leave the volume of Newsies up and turn American Psycho down; sort of a Dark Side of Oz thing happening.

Stanicek said...

Now THAT is intriguing...and probably the only way I could stomach a repeat viewing of "Psycho". Throw in a cocktail of cheap whisky and a handful of hallucinogenic drugs and you got yourself a party!

DAve said...

So, I finish 2nd in our division in college fantasy football, and beat Josh, the other 5-5 guy in the league, in head-to-head, and still don't go to the playoffs? What happened to the divisional wild card? Three teams from one division and only one from the other? Buh hu hu loney.

Josh said...

Actually, I didn't even realize I was in the playoffs until I read this thread. So yay. I assumed I was out.

And I freaking loved "American Psycho."