Now that's funny

I could watch this clip over and over again. Something about DeVito drunk as hell hugging these broads makes me laugh. Plus, anytime I can catch some "View" makes me a happy viewer. Alright...I'm done.

UGA UGA UGA UGA

Can someone tell me if this is good? I think it is and here's why:

If WillieMart would've left there'd obviously be a vacant position at Defensive Coordinator. I have to believe that EVERYONE would be calling for Will Muschamp to return to Athens where he belongs. Had THAT scenario played out, I think it would've been the end of Rodney Garner as a Bulldog. He almost left the first time Richt passed him up as DC...another pass on him would've been too much. As good of a recruiter as Garner is, I have to believe that if he were truly qualified to be DC, he would've been promoted after Van Gorder left.

With another year or two of Martinez as DC will be good for UGA. While I wouldn't have thought that 3 weeks ago, I do believe it now...and hopefully Garner will stick around and continue to bring in the studs he always does.

I wish I could add audio to this post because Munson's call after the go-ahead TD last weekend was sent to me. It's classic Munson. Let me know if you want me to email it to you...or if you'd just like to hear me do my best Munson impression. It's something along the lines of "and we're kicking and clawing and reaching and hurting."

I hope everyone enjoys their dinner tonight!!!

I cried dammit...I CRIED

Much like the tears were building in my eyes last year with DJ Shockley hoisting the SEC trophy, I had the same feeling watching Reggie Ball walk off the field Saturday. Remember how we chanted "DJ, DJ, DJ" at the Dome? I never thought we'd chant another quarterbacks name to honor his career in less than 12 months. Boy was I wrong.

UGA and Auburn lost two huge champions of their program in successive days. Auburn lost their favorite coach of all time in Shula and UGA lost their favorite QB of all time in Ball. A sadder two days for respected programs I cannot recall.

My deepest and most sincere apologies about not getting my picks done before this past weekend's games. Family and the holiday reigned supreme over the chance to blog. 1,359 apologies.

I want ideas on New Year's. Something fun. Any thoughts? I was thinking about throwing a Reggie Ball themed party. Everyone could come as their favorite Reggie Ball of the past 4 years. The 4 different Reggie's you could come as would be:

1. "Concussion" Reggie. Walk around in a daze and leave half way into the party.
2. "Throw the Ball Away on 3rd Down" Reggie. Pop the champagne at 10:59pm, fall asleep 10 minutes before the countdown, throw your drink away immediately if you "don't like what you see", etc.
3. "Do okay until the final moment" Reggie. Have a few good one-liners, set up your better looking friend with a hot chick (like Reggie did for Calvin on that fade route in the 2005 game), but ultimately make a horrible decision right as the night's on the line...kinda like screaming "I pissed in the punch ya sissies. DRINK UP!!!" right before midnight.
4. "Just Plain Sad" Reggie. Maybe go to a party and get beat up by a guy 4 years younger than you. Or go to a party and hype it up that this is the year you're going to surprise everyone and be cool...then show up just in your boxers. Everyone will be kind of grossed out and won't want to talk to you...even your close friends. Then, as you continue to fart in a corner and smoke inside while it's clear that there's no smoking inside, the others at the party chant your name to make you leave.

What NFL team do I hate? Hmm...I guess I'd have to say The Redskins just because they're Stanicek's favorite. Here's to hoping the Skins draft Reggie Ball. God...Bless...Reggie...Ball.

Reggie fumbles as he realizes "oh wait...phew. It's 1st down and fumbles don't count unless they're on 2nd or 3rd down. Hamburgers are good when grilled...especially when I have ketchup."

Happy Picksgiving everyone!

It's finals time around the hallowed halls of the University of Georgia School of Law and with my upcoming annual MANDATORY mid-finals day off coming up Saturday for the last home game of the year, the picks this week have to be short and sweet so I can get back to doing what I do best, studying for ten minutes and then ripping off about 10 consecutive games of "Hearts" that I "announce" using my inner monologue like it was the Rose Bowl..."Where will Kelly go here...we're thinking 5 of hearts...and...NO...BOLD MOVE...he's throwing the King of Spades...Mabel wake the children 'cause Kelly's trying to Shoot the Moon!".

Well, it's probably for the best considering how miserable I was last week. I now hover at .500 and the horrid stench of mediocrity surrounds me...I'm not used to this...I'm not mediocre at anything...except school...and athletic competition...and singing...and driving...and creativity...and...

Last week ATS: 3-6
Overall ATS: 39-34-1

Kentucky +19 @ Tennessee - I've stuck by my C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS...all year...so much so that they even betrayed me by beating my D-A-W-G-S DAWGS DAWGS DAWGS! But I think the motivation of playing for second place in the SEC East is enough to overcome that UT home field advantage and propel Woodson and the boys to a 17 point loss and cover.

NC State -3 vs. East Carolina - I call it stuffing NOT dressing. In fact I think anyone that says dressing needs to have dirty gym socks stuffed into their mouths and then beaten with a rusty egg whisk...everyone except for my wife...and Cal Ripken if he says "dressing"...and Jesus...but I am pretty dang sure Jesus said "stuffing" but I bet his stuffing included a bunch of gross stuff like figs.

Jesus...he could turn water into wine, walk on water, but he couldn't keep these things out of the stuffing...Judas said it "ruined the whole meal".

Florida -9 1/2 @ Florida State - With all apologies to the LadyEagle (again...I don't know why I bother because neither her nor John "Captain Moe-ron" Hart read this thing...but have you SEEN the Seminoles...I'd rather watch Pasqua regurgitate his 7th Thanksgiving meal in less than a week onto a dinner platter.

UNC -7 @ Duke - Zoinks homefield Blue Devil advantage - worth at least...a complimentary tube of Cortaid.

Reading the back of this box is equal to or greater than the excitement generated by Duke football.

LSU Pick'em @ Arkansas - I'm sure you all listened to the podcast so there's no need to discuss this game again...what was your favorite part of what I said...I thought so.

Clemson -5 1/2 vs. South Cack - What do you think Santa's cholesterol is? Seriously, the North Pole probably doesn't get many vegetable shipments...this kid's got to be eating elk meat 24-7-365...and boy is elk meat riiiccchhh.

San Jose St. -6 @ Idaho - Are you kidding me with this line? It's more appealing than a forkful of cranberry, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and turkey dripping with gravy...ooo boy someone's going to be having some weird Thanksgiving food-induced dreams tonight.

Boise State -3 @ Nevada - Follows my age old rule "Always pick Boise State until they play a team that you can name the mascot of within 4 seconds". 3...2...1...see I told you to pick Boise.

Ole Miss -3 vs. Miss State - The Egg Bowl...the EGG BOWL? That's what they came up with. There better be a GREAT story behind this game. What a stupid name...why don't we just call the UGA-Ga Tech game the Falafel Classic...or the Zagnut Rumble. Stupid.

Stop HIM! He's stealing Dextah Mah-Cluh-Stah's Giant Golden Egg Shaped troph...ahh, forget about it, tell him he can keep it.

Sorry - told you it would be short and sweet and probably light on the humor...well you know what...bite me...it's pretty tough to read about RICO conspiracy all day and then have some nameless gaggle of online readers demand the funny from you....alright, sorry bout that...I guess I should have said "light on the humor, heavy on the anger".

So sad...so pathetic

Not only has Georgia Tech failed to sell out their allotment of student tickets to the ACC Championship Game...they've had to reduce the price by $20 to get someone...ANYONE to buy.

You have GOT to be kidding me....

For those of you who know me it will be no great, breaking news bulletin that I am certified Lord of the Rings geek (though I prefer the term "junkie"...I've always wanted to be a junkie of something). So when this news hit the wire a couple of days ago...needless to say I was slightly peeved...

Here is the actual letter Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh sent

As I told a few friends - I have to assume that this is some sort of power play on New Line's part to resolve this auditing lawsuit going on between the studio and Jackson. Fan backlash has already been substantial and New Line has to know that they would be throwing away a sure-fire Top Ten All-Time Grossing Movie is they let Jackson go. At the same time I think the above letter from Jackson is a power play on his part as well - both sides are looking for leverage in this lawsuit and as the Variety article stated, the issue of Peter Jackson directing the Hobbit is far from decided. I anticipate some serious legal negotiations about the auditing lawsuit to go forward soon, a resolution will be achieved and Jackson will be asked back to helm the project.

The entangled rights of The Hobbit film is actually quite an interesting legal question and one I would be happy to talk with you about on an individual basis. However...I'm pretty sure if I wrote about it on this blog now I would be given an atomic wedgie at the upcoming GA-GA Tech game.

Podcast 11 - From Stanicek and the "Highly Disturbed Foaming Liberal"

Podcast XI should be up shortly...enjoy...we gave you almost an hour...listen to it with the family while eating turkey and STUFFING....NOT DRESSING.

Picks EARLY

You know what I LOVE!!! Whenever I have the opportunity to sleep in and simply can't. Through the week, I constantly have "I'll gladly pay $40 right now if I could just sleep for another 2 hours" thoughts running through my mind come 7:30am. I LONG for the weekend to sleeeeeeeep. And what happens on the Saturday morning where I could sleep until 4pm if I wanted? I wake up at 7:30am. Bright eyed. Wanting to kill myself.

I guess it was my blogging conscience that woke me up since I hadn't gotten these picks finished yet. But still bloggin conscience, I've gone through countless Saturday's this fall having to wake up at 6:30am to claim "the" spot on South Campus. You couldn't give me this Saturday? Well F you. I hope this blog entry stinks. No...I didn't mean that.

Thanks to Stanicek's picks, I have some decent games to pick this week. Thank you kind sir, I hope you enjoy your ribs today and have that pineapple juice you've been whining about.

Illinois (-2 1/2) at Northwestern
CHOO CHOO!!! Well, the train that is Illinois came off the track a little bit last week. It wobbled...if that's possible for a train to do. But all they have to do in this one is win by a field goal. Even a wobbly train could get that done.

easy...easy. It's just Northwestern.

Oklahoma State (+6) at Texas Tech
Let's remember that sand used to be a rock. The rock that is Texas Tech just had a strong gust of wind take a little smidge of it's surface and turned it into sand after last week's dissapointing non-cover. But the rock is still a rock. It's re-grouped and re-rocked. Texas Tech is, dare I say, ready to rock. Wow...my ability to "funny" has hit an all time low.

Texas Tech needs to throw the rock to win. Phew...I'm all punned out.

Michigan (+7) at Ohio State
Game of the millenium...but only for the planet Earth. I'm convinced that on some planet far away there's a huge rivalry game going on between the unbeaten Galactanoids and the unbeaten Nifebulums. Galactanoids storied coach, Roctarloch Craxwachlank, died yesterday too in a tragic phasetroid accident. This is shaping up to be a good one.

In all seriousness, I truly hope for a close game. Has there EVER been a better scripted scenario for a regular season game? Ever? I don't think it's possible. Too bad I'll be watching the Auburn/Bama game instead. F the Big Ten.

Auburn (-3) at Alabama
Auburn got blindsided by UGA. Bama lost to the better in Mississippi State. I truly believe that. There's a nice conspiracy going around that Auburn will throw this game just so Shula keeps his job at Bama...which would secure the next 4 years for Auburn. Interesting, but this isn't Da Vinci Code (which hits the shelves Tuesday), it's college football. Take Auburn in a close one...just like the Illumanati would've planned it.

Arkansas (-14) at Mississippi State
So I was at a Thanksgiving party last night (kind of weird concept, I admit, but a great time. I made a killer mac and cheese if you were wondering. You weren't? Well F-you. Thanks to the D'Amico's for hosting). The majority of those attending were Auburn fans and at one point I was playing XBox 360 against Jean (the host and huge AU fan). I picked up the controller and found myself knee deep in an NCAA football game between Auburn and Alabama. I'm kicking his as* and Kristin (Jean's fiance and converted AU, fan bless her heart) comes and says "Tov, what the hell are you doing as Alabama. Why aren't you Georgia?" to which I obviously reply in a laughing voice "Because that would be too easy". T'hank God that Jean didn't retort with some sort of "Vandy/Kentucky" response because that's already starting to get old. Later on in the evening I was discussing today's games and this one (Arkansas/MSU if you've already forgotten) came up. Jean actually talked about how Mississippi State has a chance to win and if they did and it's followed by an LSU victory over Arkansas, Auburn is representing the West. I found that intriguing because it's not the most ridiculous scenario I've heard. Now I'm nervous because I can feel this choke coming on by Arkansas...and I really don't want Auburn to go to the SEC Championship game. F Auburn.

Cal (+6) at USC
I'm sick of hearing how good Cal is considering the two times I've seen them play, they've dry heaved all over the field. F that team. USC is plaing for the big one and I see them smokin' these fools like Stanicek is going to smoke them ribs today. I wish I could have smoked ribs. Thanks for the invite dude...no really...thanks.

Michigan State (+18) at Penn State
Penn State has 4 losses. The 4 teams that they've lost to have lost a total of 2 GAMES!!! That's a rough schedule. Michigan is playing for Bo, Penn State is playing for Jo Pa's leg. Bigger motivation? Mmmm...too close to call.

WIN ONE FOR THE TIBIA!!!

South Florida (+17) at Louisville
Louisville probably wants to score 900 points in this game to prove that they're not a horrible offense. When was the last time the "#1 offense" was shut down like they were against Rutgers? It was like seeing a guy that always gets the girl use his "go to" line and striking out. Let's call this guy "Hohn Jart" for all intensive purpopses, remaining as vague as possible, and not ruining anyone's identity. That game against Rutgers went a little something like this:

Hohn Jart: Yo baby, have you ever eaten a PB and J after visiting the zoo?
Broad: That would normally work, but you're a bastard.
Hohn Jart (reverting to his last resort...speaking like an old Italian accent): Whadaya mean ma bella? I'm a gonna treat you like a thin-ah slice of proscuitto.
Broad: F you Hohn. Louisville sucks too.

**sorry for all the F-Bombs. I guess I'm pissed off about not sleeping in. F me.**

Mich/Ohio State

I have to admit that I'm more interested in the Auburn/Alabama game tomorrow, but this really puts the Michigan/Ohio State rivalry into perspective. AU/Bama is the best rivalry in the country, but Woody vs. Bo has the greatest stories.

Picks to come...daddy's been "busy". Man I hate having a job.

Picks coming tomorrow from me...but for now...

I want this to be done to my kid's baby picture someday.

The Tale of Sir Pick'ems....

Loyal readers – Wifeicek return from Auburn, AL and bring ye joyful tidings....and lo the Corner of Toomer’s doth not rolled, the young Staffords and Lumpkins ran until the day drew long, the evil Tuberville was forced back into his evil hole where he feasts on rodents and ritualistically sacrifices small children to Dumbus the God of Large Ears, and the one that the PlainsmenTigerEagles call Cox sleeps in fits still suffering from horrific dreams in which Gant and Johnson rip, gnaw, and gash at his jersey and his lollipop passes land only in the arms of the glorious Battle.

Behold Dumbus! Notice how he points to his abnormally large ear that can not even be concealed by the helmet. Hide the children.

It truly was a special day for Wifeicek and I....much like our last trip to Auburn in 2002. In fact I am thinking about moving into that stadium permanently as it has been the site of two of the happiest days of my life. I’m thinking about a nice little condo on the 35 where I can see future generations of Bulldogs intercept future generations of mediocre Auburn QBs and dive futuristically into the endzone only to be futuristically flagged by futuristic refs.

Last week ATS: 4-4-1

Overall ATS: 36-28-1

Cincy +6 ½ vs. Rutgers - Listen kids – I’m all about this Rutgers story it’s as fun as a barrel of rusty screwdrivers but this one just screams “let down”. Allow me to make one point though – if Rutgers pulls the unthinkable and goes undefeated, they deserve to be in the National Championship. College football can’t shower WVU and Louisville with gifts of scented soaps and lilacs when they were undefeated and then push Rutgers to the curb like so much volleyball. If Rutgers goes undefeated and doesn’t go to the Nat Champ then we have to revoke the Big East’s status as a BCS conference and make it a mid-major...anything else doesn’t make sense. Consider me off the soapbox.

Wake +2 vs. VT – As one Sasha LadyEagle can attest...Wake is fo’ real. And if Sasha actually reads this (heck even her erstwhile travel partner Jonathan Hart) blog I will do a traditional Irish jig during halftime of the Tech game.

Duke +26 ½ @ Ga Tech- Oh Duke – you’re so lovable. Just keep telling yourself that you don’t mind looking like complete and utter idiots in almost every athletic competition because you dominate in one sport. You Duke football guys are so cute...like a bushel full of soon-to-be slaughtered baby cows going off to the veal factory.

Listen to that crowd roar! Well...listen to Kyle, the Duke fan, roar!

Maryland +7 @ BC – You can’t hold back that Terrapin pride...nor can you hold back the destructive Tsunami (I can make Tsunami references again right? It’s been awhile) that IS the Terp offense....the Terp offense juggernaut smells blood and chances are they could score upward of 17 in this one.

Temple +31 ½ @ Navy – This falls under my “No one should ever be 30+ point underdogs to Navy” rule

Miami -3 @ UVA – What the H is up with this OJ interview? Fox television has effectively reached the all-time low in broadcasting history. Anyone who watches this needs to be punched in the gut and forced to work 35 hours of community service. I’m sure it won’t damage OJ’s kids fragile psyche whatsoever as they are forced to watch their father “hypothetically” tell the world how he “would” have killed their mother. American pop culture! What a feeling.

Oh Nordberg...can't we go back to the way things used to be?

Vandy +8 ½ vs. Tenn – call this the “please God, please Lord almighty make this happen for me” game. How great would it be to see Tennessee lose two in a row to Vandy and watch UT’s “comeback season” result in 4 or 5 losses? It would be as great as tipping over your box of Rainbow Nerds and getting that one GIGANTIC Nerd that dwarfs all the others and sends you into a sugar-induced coma.

Sweet globs of hardened sugar...your spell over me will be my undoing

Ole Miss +27 ½ @ LSU – Dextah MAH-Clus....oh f-it...you know the drill. Ole Miss sucks but I gotst to give it to them one last time.

NC State -4 @ UNC – OH THE PAGEANTRY! No game quite matches the feel of the good ole fashioned backyard brawl between NC State and UNC. Almost as exciting as a 4th viewing of Colin Farrell and Christian Bale in “The New World”. Had to get my Christian Bale knock in... I’m telling you Christian...LIGHTEN UP! You’re a fricking actor! Crack a dang smile!

In a bizarre effort to reach out to ANYONE, UNC adopts a tackling method that can best be described as somewhere betweeen "Dancing With the Stars" and gay porn.

Get your National Football Federation Assocation League on over at Joshua's blogateria

C'mon Baby...Daddy needs a new pair of kicks

Please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please.

He's my favorite writer, but this doesn't help.

Stay tuned for the college football picks.

Podcast 10 - an examination on why I don't care about Ohio State OR Michigan and will instead watch the Iron Bowl

Here it is kids...the tenth podcast, chock full of great discussions on OJ, zombies and Mark May viciously attacking Lou Holtz.

Award?

How in the world has an award been named after Randy Moss?

Shouldn't Mikey make an announcment that he is "withdrawing himself as a candidate to recieve the Thug of the Year award and that he would never want to be affiliated with a reciever that is completely screwing anyone who drafted him in fantasy football this year."

Ummm...no? Isn't this taking the "Thanks for never being any good" thing too far? Why would Richt honor JTIII and not all the seniors? I'm pretty sure Michael Turner, Marquis Elmore, Dale Dixon, etc. are all seniors but they're not guarenteed to start. This game means so much to UGA fans that I have to think that we're going to play with the best available. If JTIII is a true "Damn Good Dawg" he'll tell coach not to bother and that he wants to go out with a win...rather than some playing time.

A promising article in the AJC yesterday regarding recruiting that you can read here. Basically, Rennie Curran (a stud LB that's a strong committment) is saying he's getting a good feeling about Caleb King coming to UGA. King, who was previously the #1 RB in the nation according to rivals.com before his injury, is deciding between UGA, AU, and one other ACC school. We haven't signed a RB for 2007 so he would be all we need in that regard.

The other article talked about how Brookwood's coach said that Rennie Curran is the best defensive player he's ever coached in 30 years. While I have very little respect for high school coach's opinions (I used to live with a guy that said Asher Allen is weak), I hope this dude's opinion or Curran is true.

My Picks. Don't Read if You Want Losers!!!

Thanks for the hundreds of emails wishing we well in the upcoming fantasy NBA season. To let you know, I've done pretty well so far even though Andrei Kirilenko, my 2nd pick, has been horribly dissapointing so far. Believe me, this is a long season so expect hundreds of updates and blog entries as it progresses.

I did pretty well with my picks last week. 5-3 or samethin...I don't keep track like my counterpart. Speaking of Stanicek, a special thanks to you sir for taking every single good game to cover. I'm left with So. Miss v. Tulane and Rice v. Tulsa to entertain the masses. I swear to God, it's a matter of days before you, Stanistink (hehe), are booted from my blog. On that pleasant note...take the following as gospel:

Louisville (-6) at Rutgers
Let the record show I made this pick before kickoff. Let's get one thing straight. This is Rutgers. Rutgers. More like "What"gers. Or "Ticketswerestillonsalethedayofthebiggestgameintheirschool'shistory"gers. Rutgers is cooked with a capital QW. And, yes, I'm one for Louisville getting to play in the title game after they run the table and have two blowouts on National TV. Holy Guacamole, ESPN just interviewed a 110 year old Rutgers fan that sang SOMETHING into the camera. I couldn't tell if it was the fight song or he was moaning for some Robitussin. I pray someone else saw this.

Purdue (+2 1/2) at Illinois
I've been riding the Illini Train for 3 weeks now and they've covered every time. "Juice" is everything he's cracked up to be and, dare I say, THE ZOOKER IS BACK!!! Illinois is going to win the Big Ten next year and all will rejoice. Wow, I just had a great bite of chicken caesar salad.

High gas prices don't mean a thing to this train...its chuggin along on "Juice"

Georgia Tech (-13) at N.C. State
I've bet against Tech and it's burned me two weeks in a row. Both times I've posted pictures of nerds and they bite me like they would if they found themselves in an arm wrestling match. Well, if I've learned one thing about nerds, it's that you keep betting against them especially if they're favored by more than 10 on the road. I could see N.C. State winning this game...and I hate nerds unless they're of the candy variety.

Georgia (+12) at Auburn
Okaaaayyyyyyy. Ummmmmm. Hmmmm. Go Dawgs? I don't know anymore. Seriously though, there is absolutely zero pressure on us while Auburn is still playing for the SEC West. We should come out loosy goosy and ready to have some darn fun...like I'm gonna have at the wedding I'm going to Saturday. Or, for that matter, the wedding I'm going to be at for the Oklahoma State game next year!!! Nothing says "College Football" like fall weddings.

LOCK 'O DA DANG WEEK:
Texas Tech (+9) at Oklahoma
You're getting the lock of the week early folks. I'm not one for statistics, but here's one I found interesting: Texas Tech is 99-1 against the spread in their last 100 games. Who are these people betting against TT? Probably the same people who say that rock loses 1 out of 3 times in Scissor Paper Rock. Truly moronic.

psst. bet on the hand on the bottom.

Oregon (+8 1/2) at USC
How many cars do you think Nissan has sold as a result of their new ad campaign that involves the dude living in his Altima? My guess is -35,000. In the words of old school Adam Sandler, "WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS THAT CAME UP WITH THIS ONE???"

Kent (+30 1/2) at Virginia Tech
Who to take, who to take? Kent Ore Va Tech? HAHAHAHA. Wow, I'm on fire...what a great great joke. It's great because I used the name of the running back from Virginia Tech in the sentence. I haven't read comedy like that since Louis Anderson hosted Family Fued. Talk about two guys with messed up bodies. Louis Anderson and Frank Beamer. Who would you take in that ugly contest?

This Bud's for you God for deciding that two men can't reproduce

Chicago (pk) at NY Giants
I'm sorry but there are ZERO good games left to pick so I'm taking a quick skip across the border and stepping on Josh's toes here. And because, before the year's over, I wanted to say this. Sexy Rexy Grossman. Man does that flow like chianti down a funnel.

Podcast 9: Podcast Takes Manhattan...

Little Scotty Hartman joins us LIVE and in studio...learn it, love it.

Recruitment Update

Being that Stanicek dubbed me "the recruiting guy" I feel it necessary to update on all things recruiting. Any by all things, I mean sports recruiting...for UGA...and only for basketball or football...but in this post it'll just be basketball. I'm a damn guru.

UGA signed 4 players yesterday to the 2007 class. It's probably the strongest class of this millenium with possibly 2005 being the exception. That year we signed Mike Mercer, Billy Humphrey, Rashaad Singleton, and Terrance Woodbury. What separates this class from 2005 is that all 4 of the recruits are from Georgia. Actually, I'm not sure where Jeremy Jacob is originally from (he's a Hargrave kid) but he was only added to replace Walter Hill who decided to commit to Richt. Hill was from Georgia which makes the 4 original recruits in state.

Granted we haven't had the season we were hoping to see out of Felton, but things are pointing in the right direction...at least recruiting-wise. We're signing some JUCOs that will make an immediate impact (assuming Takais Brown can get off suspension...and that's a big assumption)and we're starting to get a lock on the state for the studs coming out of high school...much like Richt did when he took over for football.

Recovering from the Harrick scandal is no easy task and I can't imagine it's easy to tell a kid's parents that UGA academics are top notch...especially when the kid is coming mostly to play basketball. I tip my cap to Felton for turning the program around in the right direction...hopefully this will start leading to more results ON the court.

Good story about Mike Mercer in the AJC today about him retooling his shot. Sounds like this was a tedious process and any player not interested in believing what the coach was telling him wouldn't have given the effort.

I, for one, can't wait for UGA basketball to start. Won't it be refreshing to lose to Vandy or Kentucky and not feel like you need to stick your hand in a blender to ease the pain?

A solid goal for this year is the NIT and continuing to improve and develop all the young talent. It's going to be an exciting year and I can see us upsetting some of the better teams in conference and at least being competitive in every game.

And, to sum, UGA's going to beat Auburn 24-21. BELIE DAT!!!

Pick'em, Rick'em and Stick'em Week 11 Edition

In what the NY Times, the Washington Post and Cat Fancy dubbed "Operation Bounceback" my selections rode a wave of positivity, success and hope that began right here on Pasqua and Stanicek on Friday afternoon with my weekly picks and ended yesterday with the news that the Good Guys had recaptured Congress from the ruthless hands of Count Chocula, George Allen, Gargamel, Santorum, Dr. Claw, and the eviiilll Nancy Johnson.

Yes it was a good week here at Team Stanicek...except for that Kentucky situation. The picks finished a solid 6-3 and things are only looking up....alas it is not all good news as friends of the blog Daniel Baldwin and K-Fed (aka JMac's doppleganger) suffered serious blows in the shadow of all the joy. So extend a hearty handshake to these two when you see them with their "Will Act/Rap/Milk Famous Brothers or Wife for the spotlight for Food" signs ablazin'.

So here they are and...as always...these picks should be relied on about as much as Christian Bale lightening up and playing something other than brooding in a movie role (and don't throw "American Psycho" at me...first off it was a horrendous movie and second, lightening up does not mean a character that buries an axe into someone's brain and then has a 15 minute on-screen three way with two prostitutes).

Last Week ATS: 6-3
Overall ATS: 32-24

Maryland -3 vs. Miami - Ralph Friedgen takes out his anger over a wife-imposed "green bean and Fresca" diet on the visiting Hurricanes. Coker watches in horror as freshman running back is knocked into sideline and the Fridge chomps a poodle-sized bite out of the young back's left calf.

YOU! Yep...I see you...bring me that furry ham....what? It's a cat. Whatever, I haven't eaten since 12 minutes ago.

Kentucky -2 vs. Vandy - They tore down one goalpost after our game? ONE!? Where is the commitment from the Cat faithful? When UGA stormed the field in 2000 not only did we take down BOTH goalposts but we 1) dismantled them 2) tore the hedges into mulch and 3) nearly stormed the field a full 70 seconds before the game was EVEN OVER! That's how you destroy your own stadium and make yourself look like an idiotic and starved-for-a-win fanbase!

Tennessee +5 1/2 @ Arkansas - Biggest game in eons for Arkansas and what do they do...start a QB controversy...way to go Nutt! Tennessee is going to win and then steam Darren McFadden, serve him over wild rice and feed him to the Monster Fulmer at the post-game buffet much to the delight of the braindead and borderline mentally handicapped Tennesse fans.
Alabama +18 @ LSU - The second part of my "Traditional SEC powers as big underdogs on the road" pack of picks. Alabama has looked about as appetizing as a moldy laundry bag full of ground beef and chocolate over the past few games but I bet there's some life in those kids yet. That was my fourth food/starved/bite reference in as many picks...can you tell I'm ready for lunch?

Florida -13 1/2 vs. South Cack - Mmm...lunch. I didn't bring my lunch today because I was sick of ham and cheese, baby carrot sticks, and Baked Lays which is what I eat everyday. Now the possibilities are ENDLESS...well actually I guess there is an end...whatever is available here in LOVELY downtown Athens. Had Gyro last night so that's out...could do Taco Stand which is always a fan favorite. NO CHANCE for Doc Chey's or that sad little Thai place. I wish downtown would get a GOOD Chinese restaurant...not China Express which I am positive has to be a front for Beijing mafia. I mean seriously NO ONE is ever in there and their location is the best in town, corner of College and Broad! Anyway - I'm no fan of Thai food and I refuse to pay $8 for Doc Chey's bowl of dishwater and spaghetti that they pass off as "fine noodles". Are you reading this Peking?! We need your presence downtown STAT!

Hey Thai food...until you can come strong with dishes like egg rolls, shrimp fried rice and roast pork egg foo yung and lose that nasty smelling soup you dish out you ain't gonna earn any respect.

NC State +17 @ Clemson - The annual "We Love, We Hate, We Love, We Hate" Tommy Bowden tour continues this week. Clemson pulls this one off but NC State covers which will cut "Burning Bowden effigies" on campus in half and will reduce bricks smeared in cow dung thrown through Bowden's office window to a baker's dozen.

Northwestern +23 vs. Ohio State - The Fightin' Wildcats keep within three TDs as Ohio State is looking ahead to "The Game the entire nation has been waiting to see but I could really care less about because I don't give a dolphin flip about the Big Ten but I will pretend to be really excited about because I guess that's my duty as a college football fan but secretly when no one is looking I will change the channel to whatever SEC or ACC game is on hopefully Aurburn-Alabama".

What are four things I could not care less about? 1) NBA 2) The Olympics 3) College Hockey 4) Big Ten Athletics.

Texas A&M +1 vs. Nebraska - The Aggies ride high after the announcemen their President will be taking over the not-coveted-in-any-way-whatsoever position of Secretary of Defense. On a not-so-related note...what is the deal with the three month hiatus for Lost? And I did NOT appreciate that promo at the end of the episode making it seem like its a big favor to me that they will come back with 16 episodes with no repeats..."NOT...EVEN...ONE!" Yeah, well guess what? That's what your supposed to f-ing do...you're an F-ING TV SHOW!!!!

What? You want ME to be the scapegoat for a horribly botched war for the last two years of a lameduck President? Where do I sign!

Notre Dame -11 1/2 @ Air Force - In what I'm sure will be the most-watched game of the day, for obvious reasons (those reasons of course being I have Notre Dame's QBs in Fantasy College Football and its the playoffs and I am facing a formidable foe in Josh Massey)...the Fightin' Irish smack down yet another Academy, are branded unpatriotic and become even more hated nationwide for reasons that will always escape me.

There you have it - don't forget to check out the NFL picks which I assume are forthcoming at Josh Massey's Oyster House, Brew Pub, and NFL Pickery.

oh...oh HELL YES!!!

To borrow a line from democraticunderground..."It's Raining Democrats"

A few thoughts to take away from last night's historic events:

• With every minute that passes it looks more and more like the Dems could take not only the House but the Senate. As of 30 minutes ago Tester was up 1800 votes in Montana and Webb still holds a commanding 8000 vote lead in VA. How long will Allen see the word "Maccaca" late at night when all is quiet and the only thing that stirs are the dark thoughts of one's mind?
• How great was it to see that frothing, fuming, festering, bigot Santorum get stomped last night? As one reveler downtown said last night - "don't fret for Rick, he'll have a long career ahead of him in the lucrative anti-beastility lobby".
• Don't let anyone tell you that this wasn't a major rebuke of Bush and the GOP. They have had unchecked control of all three branches of the government for years and accomplished nothing but mismanaging a war, drive up a soaring debt, divide the nation bitterly via bigoted and vile "moral" issues, and the American voters had enough. I've heard a few pundits say that "if this was truly a condemnation of Bush and conservatism than the Dems would have picked up MORE seats, we expected to lose the House in the 6th year of his term". Rubbish I say....RUBBISH! That sounds like the tortured rationale I spew out when UGA loses. "Sure we lost in Jax again but we weren't even ranked, Florida was in the top ten AND we only lost by 7. They should've killed us and we stuck right in there...so in reality it was almost like we won...in fact we blew them out." Suck it up Republicans - I've had to ever since I was awarded the precious right to vote (save the 1996 election of Billy Boy) and if you don't want to look like complete hypocrites you will follow your own advice from 2000 and not "file needless lawsuits and demand pointless recounts so the nation can put this behind us and work towards making the country better by working together".
• So now the spin begins - unfortunately for the Dems many will demand results which might be somewhat difficult to come by considering that we are, for the first time since he took office, faced with the prospect of Bushie dusting off his rusty "veto pen". But one thing the Dems CAN do with or without Bush is to take the lead in framing the debate on issues like Iraq, the budget, minimum wage, the environment. This requires strong and unflinching leadership. Someone needs to step up, take it to W, and never let up until election day 2008.
• On the local front - here in Athens - Mayor Heidi Davison is headed for a runoff against Charlie Maddox. I had the opportunity to formally meet Heidi last night and she is about as honest, down to earth and intelligent as you could ever want. She realizes that what most Athens needs is to simply insure that it remains Athens and that means advancing historical designation (hopefully one day that will mean ALL of downtown and beyond), stopping sprawl, protecting the natural environment, and continuing to foster the unique blend of culture we have come to love here. If you are here in town make sure to lend a hand in the next month and DEFINITELY make sure you go out to vote on December 5th.

Dirty Republican Tricks

This just screams Republican politicial scheming. The only way they could stop the common man from getting out and voting is by convincing Spears to divorce K-Fed on the day of the elections.

Don't believe me? Check out this link. Millions of Democrats stay at home instead of going to the polls to mourn the Spears/K-Fed divorce.

PSYCH!!! Anything to get people suckered into viewing a "Newsies" link.

A little over 90 minutes until the polls close. Get out and vote yah bunch of "Newsies" lovers.

Big, Fat Bowl Projection Roundup....

It's Tuesday so lets see where the experts have us playing in the postseason:

• collegefootballnews.com - Peach Bowl (12/30) vs. Boston College
• cbssportsline.com - Independence Bowl (12/28) vs. Texas Tech
• cnnsi - Independence Bowl (12/28) vs. Kansas State
• espn.com/Ivan Maisel - Peach Bowl (12/30) vs. Virginia Tech
• espn.com/Mark Schlabach - Peach Bowl (12/30) vs. Maryland

I assume the Peach Bowl prognosticaters are assuming we win one of the last two games, which, as I said before, I think is very possible. While I dreamt of grander road trips for our bowl game (grander does not, repeat, NOT mean Boise, ID) I suppose we could do worse than the Peach.

Hate to say it...

but our good friend Texas might have nailed this one right on the head

and GOOD GOD!! No seafood? At least I'll be 70 at this point and would have had 7 decades of heavenly seafood consumption behind me. Those last several decades (I plan on living until at least 110) will be a struggle though without crab cakes and shrimp.

Lordy lordy lordy....

I figured I would write while I was still numb....we just lost to Kentucky. Really nothing can shock me this year. I have no idea what kind of performance we will turn in on a week to week basis. I just told Wifeicek that I feel like this is the kind of squad that will lose to Vandy and KY and then for no reason at all just blow the doors off a GA Tech or Auburn because they decide to show up. Yet again, this game boiled down to

-offensive miscues:

• 4 turnovers - All of Stafford's picks were horrendous errors
• 3 missed kicks - I will forgive one of the missed field goals - but a second missed XP point means its time for someone, ANYONE to have a shot (Gordon Ely-Kelso? HE*L let JTIII kick)

-questionable playcalling

• Lumpkin 10 carries 80+ yards in the first half, 3 carries the entire second half
• The Willie Martinez "Bend and Break" defense

At this point I would be ecstatic to finish this season with one more win and a trip to any bowl not in Boise. I sincerely think we can beat Tech. As for Auburn...I'll just say - you never know. What do these kids have to lose?

Final thoughts:

• If the worst case scenario occurs and we finish 6-6 - Richt is going to have to make the tough decision and pull the trigger on a major staff shake-up. I'm talking about Martinez, Eason...someone...but the porous defense dating back to Auburn and the dropped balls (which admittedly were down today) have to stop and new blood might help that along.
• I hope and pray that Stafford's nightmarish first season doesn't ruin him for his career. We were warned by old coaches and "experts" before the year that playing a true freshman only causes trouble - and as I watch Stafford as the season progresses...12 picks, losses piling up...I fear that his confidence may be sinking. I can only trust Richt, the QB guru, will keep him level headed and maybe, just maybe....Stafford gets his defining moment in the next two games.

Jowlin' Picks

Eat your heart out Turner and Hooch. This is how I get down with the jowlin' getdown.

I'm under the strictest of deadlines to get these picks done. Wall Street folk, Air Traffic Controllers, Firefighters, and many more...NONE of them know pressure like this. How can you put the pressure of getting a column done for a blog that has dozens of readers into perspective? It's like I have to write and finish OR be forced to listen to that **R.E.M. "album" where they cover the most ridiculous songs over and over again. Lord help these little fingers fly on this keyboard.

**let the record show that I JUST saw Stanicek's R.E.M. post and made this reference without prior knowledge. With that being said, R.E.M. plays music like meat sauce garnishes.

No way I can repeat my record from last week. 6-1 against the spread. I, like Josh, chose a great year to stop gambling. Take that advice or not, I'm going to make like Miles Finch in "Elf" and give you some winners.

I approve these picks.

Georgia Tech (-6) at N.C. State
My only loss of last week. Damn you Georgia Tech. This pick is mostly made out of spite...however I did watch N.C. State demolish a horrendous FSU team in Raleigh earlier in the year. So there's that. I suggest that instead of slapping a picture of the movie "Nerds" on their way out to the field, N.C. State slaps actual nerds on their way out to the field.



According to our calculations...RUN!!!
Ohio State (-26 1/2) at Illinois
Ever since the Zooker let "Juice" take the helm, Illinois has been a tough team to beat. Sure they haven't won much, but they've been making like a throw rug and covering. Ohio State, like a lot of teams this week, is looking ahead to next weekend's showdown with Michigan and will make like my favorite ice cream and keep their play calling vanilla. And yes...that's my last "and make like" reference of this entry.

Florida (-16 1/2) at Vanderbilt
Florida's another team that might be looking ahead to next week's matchup with South Carolina that features Spurrier's return to Gainseville. Plus, I hate Florida. I REALLY hate them. A few years back GA Tech was #1 on my list of hated teams and the competition wasn't even close. Now, Florida holds that honor. I guess it's easy to explain...I hate teams that beat UGA and I don't hate teams that lose to UGA. Eat your heart out Einstein...that's one complicated hate formula.

Notre Dame (-27) vs. UNC
Last week I wrote about how Quinn looked like he could kill a wildabeast and you should take the points. Now? He's got the "don't kill that little bunny" look in his eye like Farley in Tommy Boy. Have I actually seen Quinn to prove this point? No.

**shi*. Just realized that we're not coming back to my crib after our trip to Starbucks. So...unfortunately, this article has to end here. You can see the rest of my picks below. The worst part? That I couldn't find a cute bunny picture to end that Notre Dame portion of the entry.

LSU (-3) at Tennessee

Colorado (-3 1/2) vs. Kansas State

UGA (-7) at Kentucky

Arkansas (-2) at South Carolina


Lock o Da Week (she hasn't let me down yet)

Texas Tech (17 1/2) vs. Baylor

Always bet on rock. Good ol rock.

I am mortified....

that I didn't post this earlier. Of course, I have known all week but to not pump up the story on the blog is practically unforgivable...so without further adieu....I give you ....the newest nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame....

R


E


M


I AM R.E.M.! I would wave a towel for these four.

Pick a deek-y-do...

Well I'm back...back after another rough week. This blog has served to expose me to the world as a horrific fraud. I don't know football. I don't know TV. I don't know movies. All I really know is that I love oatmeal and I'm dang proud of it. Of course I'm kidding - I know football and I know movies almost as much as I know volcano fishing...which is sort of like ice fishing only sweatier, less productive and a whole lot more dangerous. Alright, now that I've wasted a good minute of your life...on to the picks, as always these picks are purely for entertainment and should be relied on as much as me going back for a second viewing of "The Prestige"...

ATS LAST WEEK: 3-6
ATS OVERALL: 26-21

Picks in Bold, Lines Courtesy of Danny Sheridan

TENNESSEE +3 1/2 vs. LSU - So much of me wants to pick LSU in this game. Ainge is gimpy and I'm just not completely sold on them yet. However LSU is 1-11 all time in Knoxville and no matter how many athletes they may field, LSU still has Les Miles as its coach.

MARYLAND +20 @ Clemson - Those heartless, gutless, toothless bastards from Clemson jabbed the hot knife of mediocrity into my back last week at VA Tech and broke the heart of poor innocent Lock O' Da Week. LODW never hurt them but Spiller and Davis just used her...another notch on their bedpost of losing. Plus I'm from Maryland.

NAVY +11 1/2 @ Duke - When last I checked this spread was at 9, now one day later it's shot up faster than a llama on a teeter-totter...I'm still patriotic...Navy makes like an empty box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls and covers.

I'm fully aware the last sentence made little to no sense...or did it make so much sense and you just don't have the brain power to comprehend it...no, it didn't make sense.

VA Tech -2 1/2 @ Miami - Coker and his collection of thugs from the cast of Escape From New York continue their downward plunge into the 5th Level of College Football Hell...which I believe Dante said was the Level in which one is forced to hear an eternal debate between Beano Cook and Mark May about who is better Notre Dame or USC.

Kansas State +3 1/2 @ Colorado - You just don't mess with K-State when they're on the verge of bowl eligibility. Much like you don't mess with the all-time blues/rock album classic Bruce Willis' "The Return of Bruno".

That look, that t-shirt, that sweet-ass-sweet spray painted title - oh Bruce you are the King.

Texas -18 vs. Oklahoma State - Been said before, will be said again, but Colt McCoy is a great name for a Texas QB. Similar to former college football greats: LSU's RB Drunky Stinkins, South Carolina's LB Ben Delusional, Tennessee's WR Marreed Mesister, Alabama's DB Wearestillrelevantright Bearbryantisourcoachandpeoplestilltalkaboutusright and Florida's QB Denim Jacket.

Wisconsin -7 vs. Penn State - I like Wisconsin in this one but I can guarantee you on my first weekend to do nothing but sit around all day Saturday and watch college football I won't come within 24 sausage ball lengths of a Big Ten game. Big Ten football is just a shade above professional honeybee racing and NBA basketball on my interest scale.

AND THEY'RE OFF!!! "GO STINGY!"

California -17 vs. UCLA - I am hoping for a Cal-West VA bowl matchup so when both teams take the field wearing the exact same uniform and colors, mass chaos erupts and you can never tell who is on offense and who is on defense. That would be DELIGHTFUL!

Which is which? Only Chris Fowler knows for sure.

Boston College -3 1/2 @ Wake - Boston College has to be at least 4 points better than Wake right? What does this say about the ACC? What a god-awful conference it is this year. I am fairly certain that the semi-pro football league in Weehawken, NJ comprised mostly of the good fellas from the American Flint Glass Workers Union Local 701 could slide into the ACC Wales Division or whatever they call those stupid things and give those goats a run for the $$.

Now THAT'S some mother-f'n flint glass! Well done 701!

Yes, yes...I know the Lock O'Da Week is gone. But its for the best...her suffering ran too deep and she had to be put down. But don't worry, it was humane. We used the sharpest, least rusty butter knifes available to plunge into her miserable heart. Hopefully she has found peace somewhere among the wildflowers in Gambling Heaven.

Remember to check out NFL picks on Josh Massey's House of Waffles, Rabid Dogs and NFL Picks

Podcast 8: NOT for human consumption AND running diary from WVU-The Ville

Here it is - Podcast 8, in which we mumble, bumble, and stumble through trying to finish before the third quarter of WVU-Louisville starts...and fail miserably.

In addition, Jmac and I present you this gift...the running diary from last night's game. I must correct some things before you delve in:

• I would never say the word "hollering"
• I am incorrectly quoted as saying Henry Waxman hails from Illinois...any self-respecting Fantasy Congress player knows that Waxman is from Cali.
• I still maintain that Rich Rodriguez changed into blue ski pants sometime in the third quarter.

Cribs...UGA-style

Des Williams hits the big time - notice the flat-screen in his bathroom...just like me.

Florida Fans. What a crew.

These pictures are all from this year. Can you imagine being one of the few respectable Florida fans (when I say respectable, I mean someone who attended Florida but isn't from Florida. Spit on that state.) that wears something sans denim to a game? I imagine they shake their head in shame every time they see one of these picture montages. I'd rather lose every year than have to deal with the "Where's Your Jean Shorts ya Moron" taunts.

My favorite exchange from a Florida fan and a UGA fan at this year's game was as follows:

Obnoxious UF Fan (20 year old girl): "What are you wearing. It's a frickin FOOTBALL game."
UGA Fan (lady in her mid 50s): "No shi*. Not a trailer park meetin!"

I guess my question is this. Don't all the Florida fans watch the other SEC fans come to their stadium and dress the part? Don't they ever go on a road trip and see how classy these other campuses are? Why are they so befuddled every time they see khakis or a dress? I'm embarrassed that Florida represents the conference. Christmas is around the corner...maybe Santa's the kind of guy that'll kick Florida out of the SEC.

One more thing...

Here's an alternatingly helpful and scary website I read about.

How do I hate thee...let me count the ways....

For the two of you who care...the NBA season started this week, and will most likely conclude some time in the 22nd century. I am a basketball fan. Love the sport. Played it. Coached it. Watch it. But my enthusiasm dies once those that play it leave the hallowed halls of academia. The NBA is where all of my favorite college players go to die. It's like a Twilight Zone episode, one minute I'm cheering for Kerry Kittles at Nova or Jumaine Jones at UGA, the next, they walk through some rift of dimensions and I never see or hear of them again. If posed the question right now I bet I could be presented with a list of 30 of the fellas I followed in college and I couldn't even tell you where 5 of them are playing right now in the NBA.

You may not believe me, but, as you can see, this cartoon says it all.

Of course this is entirely of my own doing...when NBA highlights come on Sportscenter I immediately flip to something ANYTHING else on TV...if Hawks coverage takes front page on the AJC I rip out the story and burn it, if someone tries to tell me about the big trade they just made in their fantasy NBA league I sharpen my two pairs of kitchen shears and plunge them handle deep into my ears. Yes...this god-awful "sport" is back for EIGHT months of:

• coliseums with so much rocking music, laser beams and pyrotechnics you feel like you walked into a Scorpions concert
• a regular season more meaningless (what is it 32 teams, 20 get in the playoffs?) than a mid September Royals-DRays showdown
• marquee stars with so much contempt for their coaches and fans they are actually compelled to physically assault them
• players loafing up and down the court and looking like they care about the game as much as I care about who won "Dancing with Project Stars of Runway" on Bravo.

So cover your eyes friends because now that baseball is over and college football chugs towards its inevitable conclusion, all us good God-fearing sports fans are left with is the Super Bowl and college basketball. But fear not gentle citizens....just 105 more days until pitchers and catchers report.