Thursday, December 28, 2006

Bowl Predictions Via Chat Cast #2: READ IT DAMMIT!

Tim: Chat cast HO!
Tim: Welcome all to Chat-Cast 2...I'm sure you were all waiting and excited for the sequel
Matt: indeed. the only way we can top the last chat-cast is if we get NEGATIVE 1 comment on the blog
so, suffice to say, we're playing with the houses money
Tim: HA! Do you think the masses are more excited about the next edition of the chat cast or the release of the new Cedric the Entertainer/Lucy Liu vehicle, "Codename: The Cleaner"?
Matt: neither. they're most excited about the new sphere UGA tailgating chair I got for Christmas.
Tim: Holy you have the cumbersome, intrusive, heavy, sphere sphere chair people think you are SOOOO great. Well, I'll be just fine thank you in the electric green and/or pink chair
Matt: those are both mine too ponch
Tim: We best get to picking considering the Alabama/Ok St game starts in 20
Matt: This game...Codename: Snoozer. I got Bama pulling off the mild salsa upset
Tim: I am going to say you are a moron - Go Cowboys
Matt: actually, it won't be that boring...I'm trying to get off work tout sweet to catch some of this action
Tim: And before we get too far into this...can I remind everyone of our current stats after the last chat cast:
me - 7-1 you - 2-6
Matt: being that nobody read that chat cast, I'll go ahead and say that you're lying. Hell, I don't remember typing it. I was high on red wine and grouper.
Tim: I have a word document detailing each and every pick...I've sent it to the National Archives for official documentation
Matt: OOOHHHH, the Bowl Pool. Yes, I decided to forgo trying to win these early games and focus on the big ones. I officially start caring today.
speaking of caring, how about Rutgers. They running out of wood to chop or what TKALLDAY?
Tim: No not the bowl pool you dink-uzh, I wrote down all of our picks when we made them during the chat cast...jeez...anyway - I am going with K-State, they are 7 point dogs.
Matt: K-State is a solid pick too. They spoil everyone's bowl game. Just like a polo or a pair of slacks spoils a decent Christmas day, eh Scrooge?
Tim: Don't get me started...there were some clothing related items under the tree for me this year...needless to say I tried to fake as many smiles as I could and then threw them in the ole trashcanola.
NEXT - Holiday Bowl, Cal is a 5 point favorite over TAMU - I am going with Cal even though the Pac10 blows
Matt: tis the season. So we both gots K. State...I guess I have to change it up Tom Glavine-style and hit up the Aggies. Mmm...Aggies.
a footnote about the Bama game why I want to run home and see it. We play both those teams EARLY in the season next year. How's that? Interesting? Yeah, not so much.
Tim: I just want to see if they have a little girl, robot, or fuzzy little bunny as their head coach.
Matt: maybe they'll read this chat-cast and hire us on the spot. I call O-Line!!!

Live feed from Chat Casting Central located at an undisclosed military installation four miles beneath the Earth's crust. Matt is third row third from the left.

Tim: NEXT - Music City Bowl - Clemson is a 10 point favorite over know who I got...ooooooo....C...A...T..S CATS CATS CATS
Matt: I can't, in good faith, root for the ACC over the SEC. Nor can I root against a loveable team that actually beat us. AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW C...A....T...S CATS CATS CATS
Tim: I am watching ESPN waiting for the Bama game to start and they are advertising the Two A Days Season One on DVD...why would you buy that? Do I really want to see that over and over and over again?
Matt: in a word. Yes.
But season II is coming out on MTV and....SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT...Hoover don't win no dagum Alabamer State Title this time round dagummit.
Matt: and Coach Probst's head explodes
Tim: NEXT - Sun Bowl - Oregon State is a 3 1/2 favorite over Mizzou...I my friend am staring at a Mizzou sandwich with some Tiger mayonnaise spread over the bun.
Matt: over the bun? Gyyyosh. Gimmee Mizzou. Their old basketball coach was a young kid with pretty greasy hair. I liked him. I like Mizzou football tomorrow at 2pm
Tim: Oh yeah...Quinn Snyder...I am going to name my son Quinn or maybe Quint
Matt: we gotta squeeze 6 more games in so ARRIBA ARRIBA TKWHATYOUSAY
why not go Squint Kelly Jr.
Tim: I was thinking maybe Squinty McQuinnabun Kelly...but it's up in the air...NEXT - Liberty Bowl - South Cack a 6 1/2 favorite over Houston - I am taking South Cack, no way they blow a crappy bowl like this two years in a row, after all they've only been to about 5
Matt: South Carckalacka is my call on this one too. As long as they can contain Akeem and The Glide, they should be hoisting the Liberty Cup come about 8pm tomorrow night. That'll be a sight to see
Tim: NEXT - THE BIG ONE...Champs Sports - UMD a 2 point fav over's all about the turtles kid
Matt: Maryland my foot. Gimmee Purdue. I'm sure we'll play them in the next 2 years so this is good karma rooting for them now
Tim: Wow, that's more Big Ten bowl opponents for us unless its in a BCS...NEXT - Insight - Texas Tech a 6 1/2 favorite over Minnesota. I can't believe you aren't booking a charter jet to go out to this game...needless to say we know you are picking the gimmicky offense over solid fundamental Minnesota....and so am I
Matt: oh baby. Get ready to see more points than a pointer finger convention. Crap, that didn't work. Just give me my damn lock. TTech is going to rock you. Shi*...0-2 on this one for a funny comment
Tim: Whew. Why don't you take a breather there Matty...maybe go buy a knock-knock joke book to rejuvenate the funny juice. NEXT - Car Care Bowl - BC a 6 1/2 favorite over Navy - me? I like Navy because I like America....except for Boston...I hate Boston
Matt: Well then give my Boston. Speaking of knock knocks. Knock Knock
Tim: Who dere?
Matt: I'm thinking. Um...sausage
Tim: Sausage who?
Matt: Sausage until the door won't open anymore
or something
Tim: BINGO! Now that's comedy...or something like that. NEXT - Alamo - Texas is an 11 point favorite over Iowa. I hate Iowa...and Boston. So give me Texas
Matt: ahhhhhh screw Texas. Gimme the Hawkeyes. JESS Settles needs to come back for this one and dominate. So does AC Earl
Matt: Hmmm...this is tough. What's the spread?
Matt: UGA UGA CMR UGA UGA UGA UGA UGA Matthew Stafford UGA UGA Asher Allen UGA UGA UGA MoMass UGA UGA UGA UGA UGA Tony Taylor UGA UGA UGA. That's about as bipartisan is I get.
Tim: On an unrelated note - I went to Barnes and Noble today and used the H out of a gift card. B and N didn't know what hit'tem. NEXT - MPC Computers...Miami a 3 point favorite over Nevada. I like Miami, they may not beat you but you definitely won't leave that field without a shiv in the thigh and a promise of bodily harm made against your family
Matt: Miami. Can you believe we just lost a recruit to them? What mother looks at "The U" and says "hmm...long history of thugs, horrible academics, no coach, guys get shot, and there's constant brawl. Plus, they're not very good. Mmm...this is perfect for my baby. Where do we sign?"
Tim: Bingo. Who'daya pick?
Matt: Gimme the Whores is it?
Tim: I think it's the Nevada "Loose Slots Like Our Hookers".
Matt: ALRIGHTY. Thus ends, what will soon be, a chat-cast that "looked great on paper but failed to relate to its audience". Well, that's how we like it. If you're coming to the Peach, be sure to stop by Tent City. Call Tim. I don't get service, my phone will be dead, too busy, bad knee, wind tunnel.


Josh said...

Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert.

adam said...

I've just nominated you for The Pulitzer for this entry.

Wait, did I say "Pulitzer"?

I meant "War Crimes".