Amen brutha.....

"I do think that in the state of Alabama," says Crimson Tide diehard and "Forest Gump" author Winston Groom, "anybody planning a wedding is gonna get out a schedule, because the worst damn thing you can do is have your wedding on the Alabama-Auburn game or the Tennessee game, because nobody will come to your wedding. They had one here like that, but they put up a big old huge TV at the place where they had the reception. One of those big giant things, about eight feet tall."
He laughs.
Don't plan your wedding during the Auburn-Alabama game: These folks have a previous engagement.
"As a matter of fact, in the state of Alabama, I wouldn't even plan a funeral when Alabama is playing Auburn," he says. "You can die, but you're gonna wait 'til Monday."

Welcome to my home state....

Maryland - Where we eat imported caviar off the backs of our hired help, drink the extracted tears of Buddhist monks at tailgates and use buffalo nickels for skeet shooting....ahhh...what a state.

Greatest...column....ever....

Jim Caple...you are my hero...if only they made posters of you because one would surely be now hanging over my bed.

He's back...

The AJC kills two birds with one stone with this picture by 1) pumping up the UGA fanbase by re-publishing Pasqua and our tailgate on the front page of its website and 2) offers police a great lead and a potential suspect in that serial molester case (look under "More Headlines").

Tent City can't BUY publicity like this....THIS IS TERRIFIC! So please take note, if you don't like Papparazzi or the constant "pop" of flash bulbs, or parties crammed full of A-list celebrities you may want to avoid our tailgate this season. On second thought, if we don't know you don't even bother stopping by...we are the Studio 54 of tailgates and you're just too dang fat.

And you thought it was over....

after last year's jaw-dropping cliffhanger in which Jmac was hurled off an exploding airplane, seemingly plummeting to his death with the strains of "I seeeee the light" playing softly in the background....



Stole the climax of this timeless classic you say? More like lovingly borrowed.

but NO....IT'S BACK!! A second season of The Cover Two podcasts!!! Enjoy my minions.

How about a little love...

For Athens' downtown scene? From what I hear the criteria for this prestigous award was somewhat lax (see: internet voting) but still - good for the Globe...now where did 11pm and later at the Broad Street Taco Stand rate on this list? Surely stately barkeep Chuck deserves some credit!?

Watch this...

Because it is funny...



And because I want to see if I have figured out how to post a video.

How about this logo....

for striking fear into the hearts of your opponents?



I DEMAND the O's go back to this logo which was used during the 60s.

This looks like the kind of mascot that will lay waste to opponents over nine innings and then, in the throws of a drug-induced bender, feast upon the flesh of the vanquished and then torch the stadium...only to wake up the next morning clueless as to what happened the night before and puzzled as to why he holds the severed head of Jason Varitek in his left hand.

Update...

David Ortiz's (is it "Ortiz'"? I have no idea. I hate ridiculous punctuation and grammar rules almost as much as the Red Sox) car goes unsold. I suppose the steroid swilling, non-fielding Ortiz will have to find some other way to finance his newest automobile purchase...may I suggest using some of your TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!

Alright - that's all. I shan't speak of it again.

And I thought I knew humilation....

After almost a decade of sub .500 finishes...but the Orioles continue to come up with new ways to emasculate its fan base. A few of my favorite tidbits and quotes from the game I'm pretty sure...unfortunately....that no one will forget:


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• Ranger Marlon Byrd, who hit a grand slam in the victory, said afterward, "You start to feel bad for the guys on their team."


• Roch Kubatko from the Baltimore Sun - No matter how many times I write it or say it, the absurdity nearly overwhelms me. 30-3. Who knew Daniel Cabrera would end up being the most effective pitcher? And no, I don't believe the Rangers were piling on, though the on-side kick was a bit much
• The Rangers reliever got a save! A SAVE!!! Though I will say the bottom half of the eight was tense - the O's loaded the bases and they were THIS close to cutting the lead down to 23.

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It is down right sad when Marlon Byrd who couldn't even keep a job with the NATIONALS and is currently starting for the second worst team in the American League is SORRY for you. Oh lord.

What awful timing too - Trembley gets an extension after turning the club around this year - Bedard is positively lights out - the team is on the brink of making a run at +.500 and then...the a nuclear bomb in the form of guys named Vazquez, Saltala-whatever, Botts, Cruz and Murphy. Seriously - go look at the Rangers lineup from last night - I call bullsh*t if you knew anymore than 4, maybe 5 of their starters.

There are explanations I suppose for the meltdown - it was a doubleheader so Trembley didn't want to use too many relievers, plus the game was out of hand so we wasn't going to use his go-to guys...therefore, the sacrificial lambs came in - poor rehabilitated Paul Shuey and Rob Bell. They should get a purple heart from the organization for this.

Have I told you lately how much I hate....

THE RED SOX?! I hate them...and I know that is a strong word but I just can't find another term to encapsulate the venom that bubbles up into the back of my throat each time I see their fricking uniforms, stare slack-jawed at Manny Ramirez as he approaches the plate so unkepmt and covered in so much filth that he looks like he just emerged from an overturned port-o-let (Speaking of...can we all come to a consensus on what to call those things - is it port-o-let? Port-o-john? Port-o-potty?

This has plagued me my entire life - what if I'm in a "Port-o-let" crowd and call it a port-o-potty - all of a sudden I'm a teeny weeny little baby who needs to go "potty". And what if I'm in the port-o-let crowd and call it a port-o-john - all of a sudden I'm Al Bundy lookin' for the "john" and "sumptin' ta read" and all the port-o-letters cast disparaging looks down upon me shunning me to a life of shame. But what if I'm in the port-o-potty crowd and call it a "port-o-let" NOW I'm some stuffed-shirt perched in the Ivory Tower and most likely seconds away from a broken High Life bottle to the jugular...so please people - let's come to an agreement and solve this global crisis once and for all)...

WOW - I certainly got off track...anyway - like I was saying - I hate the Red Sox. And now this comes along - what a di*k that Papi. The guy is so strapped for cash that he is forced to play on people's emotions and devoted worship to sport and drive up the price of his crappy car SOOOOO...he can BUY ANOTHER, BETTER CAR! Not give the money to charity...no, no...that would be too decent for a Red Sock. He's bilking fans out of cash because he's tired of his old ride. What a dill weed.

And in other "Red Sox are pigs" news - Curt Schilling is desparately trying to whore himself out to whatever witless, cash and fan starved club will have after he becomes a free agent this year.

You know I would say that I wish the Red Sox would lose every game the rest of this year however I know that the Red Sox fans would just whine, bitch and moan so much about it, I would hate them even more...they'd lament "The Curse is back! Oh woe is us! We will only be the second best team in baseball every year with the second biggest payroll and in the playoffs each and every year but might not win the World Series every time we are in it!! Oh the horror!" Shut it Red Sox fans - try being an Oriole fan for a decade and you'll know what pain is.

Mark those calenders boys and girls...

Cause R.E.M.'s got new goodness for you to buy. And yes I already have most of these songs live in some form or another but you know what? Don't care. Slap R.E.M. on a book and I'll buy it. Call your new flavor of Gatorade "Electrolite" and throw a picture of Stipe, Mills and Buck on there and I'll buy a case. Call me a sucker. Call me a patsy. Just don't call me "Little Timmy" cause I hate that.

Shhhh....it's a secret...

So you might have noticed that we haven't gotten around to posting in ohhh...I don't know...let's just say "awhile". Well now that all that law school business is out of the way I figured it was time to going back to what I do adequately to slightly less than adequately...write completely pointless paragraphs on these computering screens about baseball and UGA and movies and what-not so literally ones of you can read them.

And, yes, I do realize that hardly anyone checks this anymore and you know what I say to that? Good! Good riddance! We've cleared out the deadweight, streamlined the readership and now its "damn the mother f-in' torpedoes, full speed ahead!" So sit back and relax cause I'll be back to posting semi to maybe even just plain regularly.

First up...my complex and thorough evaluation of what each and every MLB playoff contender has to do if they hope to make it to the World Ser...hey! Where are you going!? Dammit!

Umm

This is utterly amazing.

Bash it Like Beckham

The legend of Gordon "That Guy Who Plays That Outfield Song That I Love As His At the Plate Music - You Know the Song - it's Like, Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Bah - man, Great Song" Beckham grows....

Now - if we can just get him to work on that unwiedly nickname.

Lookout Oscar

Looks like Shooter is going to be a huge hit and there's rumors of Oscar nominations for several categories. Don't take my word, see for yourself. I knew Mark Wahlberg was talented, but wow!!! Como se dice "Opening Night"?

This is a warning to Shrek 3...lookout, your status as the #1 Summer Blockbuster is in trouble.

Triceps. Dirk Diggler. Guns.

What are 3 things that can't make a movie miss?

Help us Bruce Dickinson!

Al Gore testified on Capitol Hill yesterday about the impact and seriousness of global warming. Gore stated:

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"The planet has a fever," Gore said. "If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action."
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The planet has a fever? Well then, as the great Doctor Professor King Poet Laureate Reverend Christopher Walken once said..."the only presecription is more cowbell".

DJ to the rescue!!!

AWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHH. The only event that will make me a Falcons fan is one step closer to happening. We're one coke bust away from DJ being the starter for the Falcons. Can you imagine tailgating in Athens on a Saturday and then setting up shop the very next day in Atlanta wearing our UGA garb all over again?

roll that ankle. snap that leg. bust a knee. poop your pants. anything to get our boy in!!!!

College Baseball Tidbits

Judging by the underwhelming response we have received from our baseball previews (both MLB and college) it is apparent that no one in the world cares what we think about baseball. But you know what - tough luck - we shall continue to write and you shall continue to not read and the world will spin and spin and spin and spin....

• After UGA baseball got off to a sluggish 0-3 start against Oregon State things turned around somewhat on the strength of our pitching. The club took 2 of 3 from Purdue and was inching towards respectability when...they got swept by USC (the REAL one, not South Cack), and dropped 4 of 5 to Kennesaw State, Western Carolina and Gardner-Webb. THEN - BLAMMO - with 18-3 #20 Auburn coming to town the Dawgs get some clutch hits and continue to throw the snot out of the ball and come out of the weekend with a sweep. We go to Tennessee this weekend for another SEC series. Tennessee has struggled this year to a 13-9 record against less than stellar competition so this is a prime opportunity to score a few more Ws.
• At least South Cack is consistent...seems even the baseball team is not immune to off the field transgressions.

Recruitment Update

Rivals just released their Top 75 in-state players.

Mark my words...UGA is going to have a Top 5, possibly Top 3 class for 2008. So, with that piece of good news, who really cares about the upcoming season? Games are boring...it's the recruiting battles that actually mean something.

Although he gets on my nerves, it's pretty impressive that Bill Simmons kept an entertaining running diary for yesterday's first round games. Must be a hard life to get paid to watch basketball, drink, joke with your buddies and make an "article" about the comments they make. If you sense jealousy, it's because I'm jealous. Jealous as fudge.