Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Have I told you lately how much I hate....

THE RED SOX?! I hate them...and I know that is a strong word but I just can't find another term to encapsulate the venom that bubbles up into the back of my throat each time I see their fricking uniforms, stare slack-jawed at Manny Ramirez as he approaches the plate so unkepmt and covered in so much filth that he looks like he just emerged from an overturned port-o-let (Speaking of...can we all come to a consensus on what to call those things - is it port-o-let? Port-o-john? Port-o-potty?
This has plagued me my entire life - what if I'm in a "Port-o-let" crowd and call it a port-o-potty - all of a sudden I'm a teeny weeny little baby who needs to go "potty". And what if I'm in the port-o-let crowd and call it a port-o-john - all of a sudden I'm Al Bundy lookin' for the "john" and "sumptin' ta read" and all the port-o-letters cast disparaging looks down upon me shunning me to a life of shame. But what if I'm in the port-o-potty crowd and call it a "port-o-let" NOW I'm some stuffed-shirt perched in the Ivory Tower and most likely seconds away from a broken High Life bottle to the jugular...so please people - let's come to an agreement and solve this global crisis once and for all)...
WOW - I certainly got off track...anyway - like I was saying - I hate the Red Sox. And now this comes along - what a di*k that Papi. The guy is so strapped for cash that he is forced to play on people's emotions and devoted worship to sport and drive up the price of his crappy car SOOOOO...he can BUY ANOTHER, BETTER CAR! Not give the money to charity...no, no...that would be too decent for a Red Sock. He's bilking fans out of cash because he's tired of his old ride. What a dill weed.
And in other "Red Sox are pigs" news - Curt Schilling is desparately trying to whore himself out to whatever witless, cash and fan starved club will have after he becomes a free agent this year.
You know I would say that I wish the Red Sox would lose every game the rest of this year however I know that the Red Sox fans would just whine, bitch and moan so much about it, I would hate them even more...they'd lament "The Curse is back! Oh woe is us! We will only be the second best team in baseball every year with the second biggest payroll and in the playoffs each and every year but might not win the World Series every time we are in it!! Oh the horror!" Shut it Red Sox fans - try being an Oriole fan for a decade and you'll know what pain is.

3 comments:

Fryman said...

I feel your pain - I was up in Maine for vacation a few weeks back and had to endure all these Red Sox fans who are crazy about being Red Sox fans. So then I was out with my cousin at some bars in Portland and I made a mistake by saying the Red Sox are just as annoying as the Yankees. I really do believe they think the only 2 teams in baseball are them and New York and that is all anyone cares about.

Stanicek said...

Bingo Frydog - you hit the nail on the head. What the Red Sox fans refuse to accept is that THEY ARE THE YANKEES! They spend just as much and are NOT the plucky underdogs anymore. Look at all the stadiums they go to now - Atlanta, Seattle, Baltimore - where once it was fair-weather Yankees fans filling the aisles, now its teeming with Red Sox fans who have "just LOVED them ever since they got Pedro" (i.e. when they started to play well again). Ugh - makes me shiver even thinking about that vile team.

Josh said...

We may not agree on politics or movies, but we can unite in our seething hatred for the Red Sox Nation. They're so vile I find myself rooting damn near shamelessly for the Yankees.

And welcome back to the blogging world, by the way.